What a coach does.

When you look at what a coach does

it comes down to 4 basic things, 

it is leadership, 

it is communication, 

it is teaching, 

it is motivation. 

It really comes down to just those four things.

Is there anything more beautiful than teamwork?

I recently stumbled across a link I had saved a couple of years ago.  Truth be told, I save links all the time with the intent of reviewing the content at a later point in time. Sometimes I actually follow through and do so. Other times, not so much. And then there invariably comes the moment when I decide I need to clear old links out. While doing just this I rediscovered this link I had titled TEAMWORK.  I found a shorter version of the original. Go ahead and take a look.

I think what makes this work is the range of ages participating. It looks to me the youngest are perhaps 10 years of age while the oldest are perhaps in their 60's?  I've watched other clips of this group as well and they are all outstanding.

When I consider the near complete lack of ego that must be present to make this work so beautiful I can only admire and be a bit jealous of the commitment and selflessness in evidence. 162 people of all ages working collectively towards a common goal!  The product is beyond beautiful, whatever beyond beautiful might be.

Like being welcomed into Heaven.

A fuller version with a bit more background.

A choir with roles and responsibilities being seamlessly fulfilled!  I wish for my teams to aspire to such greatness in their teamwork. A sense of community.  A sense of oneness.  One heartbeat in pursuit of a common goal.  Wow!

Let's discuss TRUST

On May 10, 2017 I sustained an injury at work.  The attending physician put me off work pending an MRI to discover the full extent of the injury.  I've been waiting for the Workers Compensation process to play itself out ever since.  The down time has provided ample opportunity to think about and analyze various aspects of my life. I have rediscovered a recurring theme -TRUST.

My twitter profile (Timotheus @TJBrown6083) includes the following:  Trust is the glue of life, the most essential ingredient in effective communication. Trust is the foundational principle that holds all relationships together.

I believe this to be true.

The job I had was working as a 1 on 1 aide with a 6 1/2 year old boy with severe developmental and behavioral issues.  The behavioral issues being so bad they usually precluded any attempt to work with him on developmental issues. I only shared 4 days with the young lad before the injury prevented me from working but in that time (and since) the lasting impression I had was one of TRUST.  That is, the student could not be trusted. More importantly, the student did not trust anybody.

We shall call the student, "Addison".

When I arrived for my first day of working with Addison I felt isolated from everything going on around me. In a classroom of developmentally and behaviorally challenged students I was not provided a list of classroom rules and was given only the merest of expectations.  I found the space Addison and I would work from to be isolated from all other students, the classroom teacher and other aide. Addison did not even have a proper desk as the other students did. I was most curious about this isolation and determined to be open minded about what I was observing.  Another way to state this would be to say I wasn't sure who or what to trust.

My welcome into the classroom by the other adults was cold.  Not even an introduction to provide me the names of the adults I would be working with. It was basically, "this is your space. Here's a binder and a few books Addison can work on" and that was it. Well, okay then. I was going to have to learn on the fly which means I would be making a lot of mistakes.  I'm good with that. Mistakes are a great way to learn.  I have written articles posted on this blog about the value of making and learning from mistakes. Mistakes do not intimidate me. I embrace mistakes. I learn from mistakes.  I move on from mistakes.

The challenge working with "Addison" presented was gaining his trust. This is not unlike working with a new soccer team. Establishing trust is the first step. Building a working relationship based on trust is the next step.  Honesty is paramount to developing trust. We have to be able to trust the communication we have with others. That's where relationship building begins ... and can end.

To be perfectly honest, the relationship I had with the school system in terms of non-coaching employment was in distress.  I had tried to obtain a full-time position, any position, for several months. Bus driver, cook, custodian, grounds, paraprofessional, substitute work, any number of administrative jobs to no avail. Communication from the school system was inconsistent at best and at its worst was downright deceitful.  It wasn't until 6-7 months into the process that I began to figure out how to play their game. Then, I was "hired" on three different occasions without the school actually following through and awarding me a position. Internal politics and union contracts seemed to play a strong role. Regardless, a lack of effective communication from the school to me regarding these situations was eroding my trust in them.

I relate this not as sour grapes. It was what it was, but what it was was not good.  I had the distinct impression I was awarded the one on one position with Addison with great reluctance on the part of the supervisor.  They had no one else to work with him. I was the last gasp to get them through the school year.  I feel I was treated accordingly. All this went into building a relationship with Addison.

Addison was isolated in the classroom. Physically he sat apart from everyone else.  Addison was also isolated developmentally as he was a minimum of 2-3 years behind his classmates. Addison was isolated at lunch as we were forced to sit by ourselves at a table away from everyone else. Addison and I even rode the bus to and from school by ourselves. This child was alone. In that, we were alone together.

Addison and I built a rapport fairly quickly.  He tested me to see what limits I would set. We got in trouble together when my limits did not mesh with the established classroom limits. How was I to know what those limits were without communication from the teacher or other aide?  These became bonding moments for Addison and I. We got in trouble together. We took the consequences and moved on, together.  How I responded to adversity became important to Addison and he usually followed my lead.

At the end of that first (and only) week (due to injury) with Addision I was informed it was the best week he had had all school year. This was attributed to my being a man.  A backhanded compliment, I suppose. I was also dressed down for not following classroom rules and not being a team player.  I took the criticism even while thinking of how difficult it was to be a team player without knowing the team members, their goals, their mission, their system of play and most specifically what my exact role was supposed to be. Lack of effective communication had scuttled my ability to be a team player.

So, last fall was my first year as head coach at the school. We achieved the best record in many a year and people took notice.  I was not satisfied due to believing we had left as many as 4 wins on the field. Instead of 10-4-3 I felt we could have been 14-4-0.  Why the discrepancy?  TRUST.  Much of the year was a battle of wills from a lack of full buy-in of the system to the changes in culture we were instituting.  Despite my best efforts to define and communicate expectations, roles and responsibilities there was reticence present especially amongst a certain group who wanted to do things their way instead of the team way. On some level, they did not trust the process.

I knew this coming fall would see more of the same unless I cut the cancers from the program. If I cut the cancers from the program the team's record might suffer. So why even consider cutting three of the better skilled players from the team?  Because effective communication demands give and take.  When players refuse to respond to communication from the coach, it isn't so much about disrespect towards the coach as it is disrespect towards the team. No way are we all going to like one another, but we should be able to respect one another. That's what being a team member is all about - the ability to work cooperatively together towards a common goal.  I knew it would take another season (and maybe three more) of turmoil before the program fully turned the corner unless certain student athletes matured and put conscious effort into building trusting relationships with teammates and coaches.

As I have reflected on life while laid up these past several weeks TRUST has been a recurring theme. Just this morning I received a call / message from my father-in-law who wanted to know if he could mow our yard since I am unable to do so due to my injured knee.  On the surface, this is a nice gesture and I suppose I should accept it as such and leave it at that except past history raises red flags. I have never enjoyed a good relationship with my in-laws. I have never felt I was welcomed into their family. More like I have been tolerated to some small degree.  There is a long history of me asking the in-laws for help doing something or other with always a negative response if they respond at all.  If we, my wife and family, seek assistance from my in-laws and expect them to actually help, my wife must be the one to initiate that conversation. If I initiate it, all I will have accomplished is wasting my breath.

Lack of effective communication.

Lack of TRUST.

I have no idea why my in-laws are non-responsive to me. They don't like me? I'm not good enough for their daughter?  There has never been direct communication from them to me regarding this.  I hear things through the small town grapevine and even through family channels now and again but never has there been direct, effective communication and so there is no trust.

An unsolicited offer of help from my in-laws? Did my wife put him up to this? I immediately begin to wonder what their agenda is?  I suspect it might have to do with an offer to pay for an MRI on my knee?  I only say this because my wife made mention of such. I'm not sure if she approached them or if they approached her with the idea. I just know I was not in the communication loop until after details were worked out.  I'm not inclined to be beholding to the in-laws given the past 35 +/- years of dealing with them.

In reflections on situations as the ones related here my mind often returns to sports. This has been the case over these past several weeks. In a general sense, teams underachieve, play to potential or overachieve.  The underlying reason for a teams performance can be traced back to TRUST and the relative level of effectiveness in communication that has been established, nurtured and grown.

The very best teams I have been around in sports and life have had excellent communication and abundant trust.  The most unsatisfying team experiences I have been associated with always revolve around suspicion, distrust, poor communication.  A lesson learned is to not devote time, energy and other resources to people and situations that are mired in ineffective communication and distrust.

We are not always successful no matter the effort we might put into developing an effective relationship. It's okay to recognize mistakes even if said mistake is in the form of "wasted" or ineffective effort.  Step back. Regroup. Find the silver lining. Learn.  Get back into the game of life.

That's where I am now.

I gave up worrying about being accepted by the in-laws years ago because I have no control over them. It's easier on me to limit or restrict interactions with them. I am generally cordial with them and supportive when needed. I control these things.

I also cannot control the Lima City Schools. It took forever to get a foot in the door for non-coaching employment. They are fighting the Workers Compensation approval for an MRI and treatment of my knee. Why?  I do not know. They have not communicated with me. I have attempted communication with them on multiple levels and no one from Lima City Schools has responded.  Now we communicate through lawyers.  I find that bizarre, but out of my control.  I am moving on.

Those truly special teams I have been a part of?  Parkmore Little League basketball, St. Matthew Men's softball, NBC - Tech Men's basketball, Sumeno's, Botkins Soccer, the Grand Lake United 2012-14 soccer team. They all revolved around effective communication and a strong bond of trust forged in respect and overcoming adversity together.

Trust is the glue of life, the most essential ingredient in effective communication. Trust is the foundational principle that holds all relationships together.

When trust is absent, either through being broken or never being properly established, there will be a struggle.  Trust, once broken, can be extremely difficult to reestablish.  This is why the divorce rate is so high. It is why sports teams are constantly trading, waiving and searching for new players. The absence of trust often drives change for the sake of change.  I just cannot emphasize enough the importance of TRUST in sports and in Life itself.

Coaching Youth Soccer

I received a phone call last night from a very frustrated young coach. He had heard someone make a comment about him while his back was turned. He was “pretty sure” he knew who it was.  As he was carrying equipment off the pitch and to his car he decided to continue on. He got in his car and drove home. It was a few hours later that I received his call.

Like most youth coaches, “Michael” is a volunteer coach. He had answered the call when the local association put out a notice about needing people to serve as coaches. He is the first to admit his inexperience as a coach and need to become more familiar with “the game,” but he is also not a novice to soccer. Michael has had to rearrange his work schedule a bit in order to make the league scheduled practices and games. He’s making it work, but at a bit of a financial loss to himself and his family.  This is typical of Michael – the kids needed a coach, so Michael found a way to serve the children.

As we talked, it was obvious Michael had not fully considered what coaching youth soccer would entail. I’m reminded a bit of Miranda Lambert singing Everyone Dies Famous in a Small Town. Dependent somewhat on the sport and the community, youth coaches are on a public stage and are prone to being treated as other public figures in society are treated. If you win, you’re lauded and praised. If you lose, you are an incompetent idiot promoting your child and perhaps a few chosen friends interests and ignoring all else.

Yes, I have heard those comments directed at me as well.

I related to Michael two separate incidents to provide him food for thought.

The first situation occurred while I was a volunteer assistant coach at the local high school. My eldest son enjoyed soccer and the youth association needed coaches. I volunteered.  I had previous coaching experience, but not much experience with soccer. I recognized the need to become a student of the game. So, I asked the high school coach, whom I knew from church, if I could observe some of their practices. This I did off and on for a couple of years. One day I was asked to come to high school team camp where I met a wonderful man and soccer coach who became a good friend – Graham Ramsay.  I eventually decided to turn my notes from these experiences into “coaching manuals” for the youth soccer association because I knew others were following my path of volunteering and could undoubtedly benefit from my experiences – the good, the bad, the ugly.

In those early years of coaching soccer there was a young fella whose name was Patrick. After each of the first few seasons I coached Patrick I received the most glowing and complimentary thank you cards from Patrick and his parents. I still have those thank you cards.

I was eventually asked to join the high school coaching staff as a volunteer assistant coach and accepted that offer. My coaching of Patrick had dwindled to a role of volunteer club assistant at that point – a figurehead position with no actual coaching duties. At some point in time I apparently transformed into an incompetent ogre of a coach. At least, in the opinion of Mary and Joseph, Patrick’s parents. To this day, despite attempts to ascertain my transgression, I do not know what I did to so offend the family, but Mary and Joseph set about to make my life a living hell.

Both Mary and Joseph were school employees and the head coach brought it to my attention that they were “wearing out a path” to the athletic directors door.  I asked what about. The only response I got was that they were complaining about me being a volunteer assistant coach. No details other than that. I had no direct contact with their son at practices as I was the goalkeeper coach and Patrick was a JV field player. I asked the head coach if I needed to speak with the athletic director about this and he indicated he didn’t think that would be a good idea. So, I followed my “boss’” lead and stayed above it all.

Mary eventually took to verbally assaulting my son from the sidelines at games. It was nasty and it was brutal. Again, Mary and Joe were school employees. After enduring two years of this, my son had had enough. He quit soccer and played football instead.  I resigned from my position as a volunteer assistant with the high school soccer staff at the same time.  I made it a point to address the athletic director when I did so. She stated she knew Mary and Joseph were out of control, that they were poor representatives of the school and apologized on behalf of the school while expressing regret that it had come to this. Little solace for my son and I at that point in time.

My point to Michael was simply this, stand up for yourself. Do not depend on someone else to defend you or fight your battles for you.

The second story centers around a spring time youth soccer league I founded to promote soccer in our school district. I volunteered all my time. I had a small core group of volunteers that helped me. We numbered a half dozen tops. I handled all registrations, the assigning of teams, recruitment of coaches, ordering of t-shirts, equipment and field supplies. We laid out the fields and kept them freshly painted. I had a lady, whose son is now the head coach at the high school, help with awards and end of year pizza parties. We did all this on a shoestring budget with any profits being redirected to the high school soccer programs.

The league was a huge success. We grew from approximately 70 youth in grades K-8^th that first year to over 300 participants and two locations in the final year. People from surrounding communities, some up to 45 miles away, wanted to be a part of this program. Despite the astounding growth of our product, our brand, some people were not content. This is to be expected. With a rapidly growing organization serving increasing numbers there will be a malcontent or two.

In what proved to be the last year of the spring league  a group came through who thought they were above the rules and protocols established for conducting the program. They added countless hours to my already tight schedule with their constant complaining and the complaints I fielded concerning them. Many of this groups stated concerns arose because they had not taken the time to read information provided to them. If they had read the printed materials, including a FAQ section, they would not have had to come to me in complaint. One particular parent came to my home to inform me to my face it was the most disorganized league she had ever seen. It wasn’t, she just wanted it to be something it was never intended to be. It wasn’t a good fit.

My point to Michael was simply this, sometimes your good intentions are not enough. This small vocal group of parents increased my volunteer work load to the point that it was no longer viable for me to continue.  I offered to turn the program over to others – there were no takers once they learned the work load I carried to make it happen for the kids.

Michael has a son on the team he coaches. So my final point to be driven home was that unless he planned on moving he would remain in the same community and likely the same soccer community as the people he is dealing with. Yes, I still see Mary and Joseph on occasion. The lady who told me I was so disorganized? Our sons ended up playing on the same high school team together.

Michael asked if I was bitter over these incidents.  I am not. I was most definitely upset and frustrated at the time.  I learned long ago to focus on what I can control. If I wrong someone and realize that I have, I will apologize and ask forgiveness.  In both situations I did what I could, in the one case what I was allowed to do.  My only other responsibility was to forgive myself for becoming upset and frustrated and to forgive those who tried my patience. I have done that.

I used an adapted version of a well known Mia Hamm quote to make what I hope was the lasting impression on Michael.

The vision of a coach is spending your lunch break planning a practice or making out a lineup, arriving at the pitch before everyone else to prepare for practice and to be available for the players being dropped off early, dealing caringly and respectfully with multiple players and families, being the last to leave the pitch and after putting equipment away and policing the area being the adult waiting for the last of players to be picked up.

Michael, although you probably did not realize it at the time, this is what you signed up for. There will be uninformed parents who do not know or appreciate that you do so much more than just put starters into positions and send substitutions into the game. There are parents who will look upon you as a baby sitter providing them a couple hours free time away from their own kids This type of person often fails to recognize you coach because you love being around kids and desire to make a positive difference not only in their games but in their lives.

The positives far outweigh the negatives.

The negatives disappoint and hurt you because you care. You give your best  (not perfect) effort on behalf of the players and it is difficult to hear someone denigrate your efforts and even your name. When you have been beaten down, remember the laughs … and tears… shared with team members. Sharing the heartbreak and doing your best to provide a comforting word when an own goal is scored or a game is lost. The huge smiles and genuine excitement when a player scores a great goal, makes a spectacular save or the team wins the game. Besides answering the call for volunteers, these are the reasons you coach and what makes it worth while for you to do so.

In dreams begin responsibilities