Spatial Awareness

High school soccer presents a vast array of problem solving opportunities for coaches.  In the best of programs there will exist multiple teams on a developmental scale - Varsity, JV A, JV B, Freshman and Middle School teams.  I've been there.  At the other end of the spectrum are high school teams with varsity only.  Sometimes these varsity only teams are even co-ed.  I've been there too.

As a new parent-coach back in the mid 1990's I inquired of the local high school coach what he believed most freshmen were lacking when they came out for the high school teams. His reply was"the ability to execute a push pass". As this man would become a mentor to me, I took him at his word. The youth players I worked with could all successfully execute the push pass when they entered 9th grade. When my son was being recruited to play in college I often asked coaches what they believed was the biggest weakness in most recruits games.  The answer was a near unanimous - "spatial awareness". If you have ever worked with a team of wide ranging abilities, you will surely appreciate this response.

My most recent club team and most recent high school team both suffered from a lack of cohesive and uniform understanding of spatial awareness. It's often said a team is only as strong as its weakest player on the field. There is a measure of truth to this especially as it concerns spatial awareness.

I often inform my teams the game is a living breathing thing and they must work on developing a relationship with it through listening and observing how it changes in response to ball and player movement. The boundaries and various lines affect this as well as the distances required on restarts.  Even the referee crew impacts responses to spatial awareness. So too do the technical ability, tactical understanding and physical ability of individual players.

In essence, spatial awareness is about the relationship between Space and Pace. In this context spatial awareness becomes about learning to manipulate the game to your and your teams benefit.  Using spatial awareness in conjunction with the principles of play is what formations and tactics are all about.  When a player is able to consciously recognize how to create space for a teammate and use space created for himself by a teammate, intentionally manipulating the game becomes a real possibility.  

These relationships are simple and yet very complex all at once.  Bringing someone new to the game up to speed with a player who has several years experience can be a daunting task. The difference in understanding of spatial awareness between a seasoned player of club soccer and a recreational player can also be significant. When players of widely varying abilities are all on a single team it can prove difficult to find common ground. This where ideas about a team only being as strong as its weakest player take root.

This is the problem I am seeking to solve going forward. Spatial awareness in soccer is something that begins developing at the youngest of ages.  Simple ideas like boundaries and which half of the field is to be defended and which half has the goal to be scored in are spatial awareness.  When a player comes to the game later in their youth the theory of these simply spatial awareness concepts might be known yet the practicality of them never experienced.  Extend that train of thought to the differences in understanding of spatial awareness between a recreational player and a club player or even an entry level club player and an elite level club player. This s a recipe for frustration all around for both players and coaches alike.

In past seasons I have relied on older more experienced players to mentor younger or inexperienced players in practical settings. I've come to question this approach as results have been found to be wanting.  I have also used a classroom and written homework approach using soccer journals.  The two approaches in combination have been effective.  The issue has been in players being steadfast in their commitment to recording what they are learning in their journals.  I must assume responsibility for this as in the interest of players being able to write down their thoughts honestly about any and all things soccer I have deemed a measure of privacy to be important to the process. I am being forced to make daily writing assignments mandatory and checked by the coaches.

I am also going to include more handouts and more opportunities for visual learning experiences. This will include instructional videos and analysis of videos of practice and games.  A multi pronged approach to the situation.  This is not an ideal scenario, of course. It is however a necessary one.  I would rather spend time on the field than in the classroom but must also face the reality of the situation and adapt what I do accordingly to be as effective as possible in coaching my teams.  

Keep learning.

It is winter here in Ohio and although we do not have snow on the ground it is generally to cold and wet to do much soccer related activity outside. Basketball and wrestling dominate the gyms and where I am located we have one turfed indoor facility and field time / leagues are outrageously overpriced. Factor in the sun rises late and sets early... well, this is definitely the off-season for us. We do futsal in a gym on Wednesdays after basketball and on Sunday afternoons when basketball generally does not play or practice.

I also do a lot of review work from our past season.  I make notes in journal form on every practice, game and team gathering when in season.  Now is the time to review these to glean every bit of information that might be applied going forward. I also watch last seasons practice and game tapes for the same purpose. It can be amazing what a distance of 3 or 4 months allows one to see,

This is also the time of the year when I search out new books and articles to read. I spend too much time on YouTube watching soccer videos. Games, instructional and motivational videos. Anything I can find to learn, to enhance my skills as a coach, to make myself better at what I do.

I also take the time to attend practises conducted by other coaches.  I have watched tryouts for club teams this winter.  I have watched basketball and wrestling teams practice. I attend as many sporting events as possible to observe how other coaches ply their trade. I am intensely curious to see how other coaches interact with their players, their assistants, the referees and others.

I am now contemplating attending a coaching clinic or two.  Weighing the price of doing so against who will be the presenting clinicians. So much is available on the Internet these days, but it is refreshing to attend in person. Being able to ask questions of the presenter and other attendees.

On Saturday we ( my high school and program) are hosting a beginners referee and re-certification class. I will be in attendance all day, From 7:30 am until after 4:00 pm. It is important to build relationships with referees and to understand what they are looking for in-game.

These things will all factor into plans for next season. Our off season preparation will be based on what I am learning and in some cases re-learning now, in the dark of winter.  The success of our 2017 fall season will depend largely on my success in learning over these cold winter months.

Let's discuss TRUST

On May 10, 2017 I sustained an injury at work.  The attending physician put me off work pending an MRI to discover the full extent of the injury.  I've been waiting for the Workers Compensation process to play itself out ever since.  The down time has provided ample opportunity to think about and analyze various aspects of my life. I have rediscovered a recurring theme -TRUST.

My twitter profile (Timotheus @TJBrown6083) includes the following:  Trust is the glue of life, the most essential ingredient in effective communication. Trust is the foundational principle that holds all relationships together.

I believe this to be true.

The job I had was working as a 1 on 1 aide with a 6 1/2 year old boy with severe developmental and behavioral issues.  The behavioral issues being so bad they usually precluded any attempt to work with him on developmental issues. I only shared 4 days with the young lad before the injury prevented me from working but in that time (and since) the lasting impression I had was one of TRUST.  That is, the student could not be trusted. More importantly, the student did not trust anybody.

We shall call the student, "Addison".

When I arrived for my first day of working with Addison I felt isolated from everything going on around me. In a classroom of developmentally and behaviorally challenged students I was not provided a list of classroom rules and was given only the merest of expectations.  I found the space Addison and I would work from to be isolated from all other students, the classroom teacher and other aide. Addison did not even have a proper desk as the other students did. I was most curious about this isolation and determined to be open minded about what I was observing.  Another way to state this would be to say I wasn't sure who or what to trust.

My welcome into the classroom by the other adults was cold.  Not even an introduction to provide me the names of the adults I would be working with. It was basically, "this is your space. Here's a binder and a few books Addison can work on" and that was it. Well, okay then. I was going to have to learn on the fly which means I would be making a lot of mistakes.  I'm good with that. Mistakes are a great way to learn.  I have written articles posted on this blog about the value of making and learning from mistakes. Mistakes do not intimidate me. I embrace mistakes. I learn from mistakes.  I move on from mistakes.

The challenge working with "Addison" presented was gaining his trust. This is not unlike working with a new soccer team. Establishing trust is the first step. Building a working relationship based on trust is the next step.  Honesty is paramount to developing trust. We have to be able to trust the communication we have with others. That's where relationship building begins ... and can end.

To be perfectly honest, the relationship I had with the school system in terms of non-coaching employment was in distress.  I had tried to obtain a full-time position, any position, for several months. Bus driver, cook, custodian, grounds, paraprofessional, substitute work, any number of administrative jobs to no avail. Communication from the school system was inconsistent at best and at its worst was downright deceitful.  It wasn't until 6-7 months into the process that I began to figure out how to play their game. Then, I was "hired" on three different occasions without the school actually following through and awarding me a position. Internal politics and union contracts seemed to play a strong role. Regardless, a lack of effective communication from the school to me regarding these situations was eroding my trust in them.

I relate this not as sour grapes. It was what it was, but what it was was not good.  I had the distinct impression I was awarded the one on one position with Addison with great reluctance on the part of the supervisor.  They had no one else to work with him. I was the last gasp to get them through the school year.  I feel I was treated accordingly. All this went into building a relationship with Addison.

Addison was isolated in the classroom. Physically he sat apart from everyone else.  Addison was also isolated developmentally as he was a minimum of 2-3 years behind his classmates. Addison was isolated at lunch as we were forced to sit by ourselves at a table away from everyone else. Addison and I even rode the bus to and from school by ourselves. This child was alone. In that, we were alone together.

Addison and I built a rapport fairly quickly.  He tested me to see what limits I would set. We got in trouble together when my limits did not mesh with the established classroom limits. How was I to know what those limits were without communication from the teacher or other aide?  These became bonding moments for Addison and I. We got in trouble together. We took the consequences and moved on, together.  How I responded to adversity became important to Addison and he usually followed my lead.

At the end of that first (and only) week (due to injury) with Addision I was informed it was the best week he had had all school year. This was attributed to my being a man.  A backhanded compliment, I suppose. I was also dressed down for not following classroom rules and not being a team player.  I took the criticism even while thinking of how difficult it was to be a team player without knowing the team members, their goals, their mission, their system of play and most specifically what my exact role was supposed to be. Lack of effective communication had scuttled my ability to be a team player.

So, last fall was my first year as head coach at the school. We achieved the best record in many a year and people took notice.  I was not satisfied due to believing we had left as many as 4 wins on the field. Instead of 10-4-3 I felt we could have been 14-4-0.  Why the discrepancy?  TRUST.  Much of the year was a battle of wills from a lack of full buy-in of the system to the changes in culture we were instituting.  Despite my best efforts to define and communicate expectations, roles and responsibilities there was reticence present especially amongst a certain group who wanted to do things their way instead of the team way. On some level, they did not trust the process.

I knew this coming fall would see more of the same unless I cut the cancers from the program. If I cut the cancers from the program the team's record might suffer. So why even consider cutting three of the better skilled players from the team?  Because effective communication demands give and take.  When players refuse to respond to communication from the coach, it isn't so much about disrespect towards the coach as it is disrespect towards the team. No way are we all going to like one another, but we should be able to respect one another. That's what being a team member is all about - the ability to work cooperatively together towards a common goal.  I knew it would take another season (and maybe three more) of turmoil before the program fully turned the corner unless certain student athletes matured and put conscious effort into building trusting relationships with teammates and coaches.

As I have reflected on life while laid up these past several weeks TRUST has been a recurring theme. Just this morning I received a call / message from my father-in-law who wanted to know if he could mow our yard since I am unable to do so due to my injured knee.  On the surface, this is a nice gesture and I suppose I should accept it as such and leave it at that except past history raises red flags. I have never enjoyed a good relationship with my in-laws. I have never felt I was welcomed into their family. More like I have been tolerated to some small degree.  There is a long history of me asking the in-laws for help doing something or other with always a negative response if they respond at all.  If we, my wife and family, seek assistance from my in-laws and expect them to actually help, my wife must be the one to initiate that conversation. If I initiate it, all I will have accomplished is wasting my breath.

Lack of effective communication.

Lack of TRUST.

I have no idea why my in-laws are non-responsive to me. They don't like me? I'm not good enough for their daughter?  There has never been direct communication from them to me regarding this.  I hear things through the small town grapevine and even through family channels now and again but never has there been direct, effective communication and so there is no trust.

An unsolicited offer of help from my in-laws? Did my wife put him up to this? I immediately begin to wonder what their agenda is?  I suspect it might have to do with an offer to pay for an MRI on my knee?  I only say this because my wife made mention of such. I'm not sure if she approached them or if they approached her with the idea. I just know I was not in the communication loop until after details were worked out.  I'm not inclined to be beholding to the in-laws given the past 35 +/- years of dealing with them.

In reflections on situations as the ones related here my mind often returns to sports. This has been the case over these past several weeks. In a general sense, teams underachieve, play to potential or overachieve.  The underlying reason for a teams performance can be traced back to TRUST and the relative level of effectiveness in communication that has been established, nurtured and grown.

The very best teams I have been around in sports and life have had excellent communication and abundant trust.  The most unsatisfying team experiences I have been associated with always revolve around suspicion, distrust, poor communication.  A lesson learned is to not devote time, energy and other resources to people and situations that are mired in ineffective communication and distrust.

We are not always successful no matter the effort we might put into developing an effective relationship. It's okay to recognize mistakes even if said mistake is in the form of "wasted" or ineffective effort.  Step back. Regroup. Find the silver lining. Learn.  Get back into the game of life.

That's where I am now.

I gave up worrying about being accepted by the in-laws years ago because I have no control over them. It's easier on me to limit or restrict interactions with them. I am generally cordial with them and supportive when needed. I control these things.

I also cannot control the Lima City Schools. It took forever to get a foot in the door for non-coaching employment. They are fighting the Workers Compensation approval for an MRI and treatment of my knee. Why?  I do not know. They have not communicated with me. I have attempted communication with them on multiple levels and no one from Lima City Schools has responded.  Now we communicate through lawyers.  I find that bizarre, but out of my control.  I am moving on.

Those truly special teams I have been a part of?  Parkmore Little League basketball, St. Matthew Men's softball, NBC - Tech Men's basketball, Sumeno's, Botkins Soccer, the Grand Lake United 2012-14 soccer team. They all revolved around effective communication and a strong bond of trust forged in respect and overcoming adversity together.

Trust is the glue of life, the most essential ingredient in effective communication. Trust is the foundational principle that holds all relationships together.

When trust is absent, either through being broken or never being properly established, there will be a struggle.  Trust, once broken, can be extremely difficult to reestablish.  This is why the divorce rate is so high. It is why sports teams are constantly trading, waiving and searching for new players. The absence of trust often drives change for the sake of change.  I just cannot emphasize enough the importance of TRUST in sports and in Life itself.

Loyalty & Trust

The past couple of weeks have seen me inundated with soccer related job offers. I sorted through these and decided which to accept.  In one instance I sent an email to regretfully decline a possible position just as the other party was making an offer official. Timing. In two other instances offers came in after I had accepted positions.  I am comfortable with the positions I have accepted, but was a bit miffed at being called out on not being loyal in one particular case.

Loyalty is a two way street.  I believe passion is a key consideration in loyalty. To an extent that I am unsure if loyalty exists without passion for whatever or whomever it is you are being loyal to.  But loyalty is not simply given, it is earned and must be constantly nurtured. Loyalty is a relationship and all parties to it must continuously work on the relationship to maintain its health. I feel as though I have done my part in remaining loyal to the people and organization, but that loyalty has not been reciprocated even to an extent where some made it known I was no longer needed or welcomed.  That's fine.  Only now some others in the organization are beginning to appreciate the time, effort, dedication and passion I donated to the cause. Would I be willing to re-invest to once again build something?  The short answer is I have moved on and in LeBron speak am taking my talents elsewhere.

Exciting times for me!

I will be serving as an assistant coach at a Division I (large) school that plays in a league with some perennial powers. I like to compete against the best and will have the opportunity to do so.  I will also be serving as DOC for a local soccer club as they transition from playing recreational soccer to playing in a competitive league. My plate will be full this fall, but I am anxious to begin both adventures.

To tide me over until then I have camps through the end of July.  I love conducting team camps. The progress a team can make over the course of a week can be so very rewarding. I have conducted camps for some of these teams for many years now. To think I have in some small way contributed to the building success these programs are enjoying is satisfying to me.  Yet in the end it is all about the relationships I have formed with coaches and student / athletes while conducting these camps. As I build relationships through team camps I find myself becoming loyal to the people in those programs. I consider myself a Spartan, a Tiger, an Indian, a Wildcat, a Viking and so on. I return to the schools whenever I can to watch the teams play during the regular and post seasons. I share whatever resources I have with the coaches and players throughout the year. As a result, I often am recommended by these people to others and my business grows ... or as has been the case this summer, the job offers come.  

Loyalty to a team goal and the efforts made toward achieving said goal needs to be nurtured before during and yes, even after, a season.  Tradition is built upon a foundation that includes loyalty among its cornerstones.  Trust is a product of relationships built around loyalty. Trust is the glue of life, the most essential ingredient in effective communication. Trust is the foundational principle that holds all relationships together.  It might be considered that Loyalty and Trust are twin pillars in the establishment of healthy productive relationships. They are certainly difference makers capable of moving a team from good to great. When in disrepair or poor quality they are also deal breakers that will mire a program in mediocrity and even despair.

Both Loyalty and Trust are built over time through commitment and effort to the relationship.  Tradition, strong traditions are seen where Loyalty and Trust have thrived for a long time. Yet what can take years to build can be destroyed in the blink of an eye. Broken trust or misplaced loyalty are among the most destructive forces known to team culture and life in general. Neither are easily rebuilt once shaken to their core foundations.  In this sense Loyalty and Trust are earned by the respective parties in a relationship. If they are not perpetually growing, then they are surely dying. In the end, successful soccer is not about technique, tactics, physical or mental abilities - just like anything else in life soccer is about the quality of relationships we build with one another.

Broken Trust

Much has been written about the importance of establishing trust in the team environment. Perhaps all the sayings and slogans are cautionary in nature. Surely there are tales of betrayed trust that have taught the value of true trust. I have seen very little on re-establishing trust in the world of team sports once it has been broken. Coaches are fired, players are benched, cut or traded - seldom do we hear or read of succssful instances of trust being rebuilt. Broken trust destroys relationships. In the world of team sports the desire and time to re-establish a relationship doesn't seem to exist. Seasons are simply too short and emotions run too high.

As a coach I work extremely hard to build working relationships with the players on our team. I also work hard on establishng working relationships between players. The same is true for coach / player relationships with referees and even opponents. If trust is the foundation in all these relationships, then truth is the cornerstone.

In the world of team sports, truth is all about effective communication. When communication breaks down truth, and therefore trust, are put at risk.

How does one go about repairing broken trust in the team environment?

My mind is drawn to training where the introduction of pressure is gradual to allow players time to establish comfort and confidence in the aspect of the game being worked on. This is a luxury the fleeting time of a season does not allow for in addressing broken trust. It is a high pressure situation with immediate importance.

Think of the instances in your life when you have either had to ask for forgiveness or have been asked to forgive. Forgiving is not an instantaneous endeavor. It takes time, a concerted effort and a desire to heal the relationship. If we are frank with one another we will admit it can be easier to move on even if that means throwing away the potential of a season in doing so. This a sad truth of team sports.

There is no template for how to go about quickly repairing a broken trust. This is especially true when the time constraints of a sports season are considered. I believe an earnest effort must be made to do so.  An effort based in good faith and belief that success is not only possible, but necessary for the team to succeed to its fullest potential.  I have seen success when both parties put aside differences for the good of the team. I am unsure if these are rare instances or if the success stories are overshadowed by the pain of lost opportunities in the failures to be truthful with one another and re-establish trust. I do know the best course of action is to not betray a trust in the first place. Be truthful, even if the truth is painful. Just deal honestly with one another - a key to success in life.

Have you ever purposefully played a game with 7 players?

One of our readers messaged me last night with this question; Have you ever purposefully played 22 minutes of a game with 7 players on the field and 8 subs on the bench?

I have in fact done this a couple of times. In each instance it was because the opponents could not field enough players. After establishing a two goal lead we withdrew players to play even sided. There have also been a couple of times when I intentionally played down a man because we were lacking subs and an individual player believed I would not. When the player abandoned our team's system to do his own thing he found himself seated on the bench next to me while his teammates played a man (or two ) down.  This is where today's story begins.

When I intentionally removed a player from the pitch with no sub available you can be assured I was plenty upset.  It is a drastic move and a decision to be made with all due and proper consideration. In sending a message to the offending player in this manner the coach is also in effect punishing the innocent remainder of the team by making them unnecessarily play down a man. That is a slippery slope to walk. In the best case scenario the offending player receives the message with peer pressure being a part of the delivery method.  At worst, team morale and chemistry is weakened to the point of impacting not only the game at hand, but future play as well.

As it pertains to the question posed to me last night the issue is apparently attendance at practice sessions. 

Here in west central Ohio we do not have a large pool of athletes who specialize in soccer as their only sport.  Many of our club soccer players are multi-sport athletes at their high schools.  This is both by choice and in some cases by necessity. My philosophy has always been that school sports come first. Practice and even match attendance sometimes suffers because of this, but with careful planning it can be effectively managed.

The team in question is a U16 team so there are plenty of other factors that can impact attendance.  Driver's Education courses is a primary one at this age.  School choir and band rehearsals and performances are another.  Church holidays and festivals should always come before soccer. Family gatherings for weddings, funerals, baptism, confirmation, first communion, spring vacations all take precedent over attending a soccer practice. Players of this age may be working to help pay for a car or to save for college. What of the player who misses training because of illness or doctors appointment?

I understand from a coaching standpoint wanting everyone in attendance at every team function, but it simply is not realistic in our environment ... and quite frankly, it is not necessary for success.  I offer my own spring teams of the last several years as examples.  We have been ultra successful while abiding by the mantra that family / church / school come before soccer. 

Forcing seven players to play against eleven opponents while eight healthy teammates watch from the bench because they missed training is punishing the seven, is it not?  And if the coach is asking players to chose soccer training over family, church or school obligations it is really problematic.  Let's face it, there is not a single player on this team likely to play professionally and therefore soccer should not be the main priority for any of them. 

And place yourself in the boots of those who will be forced to sit out a portion of todays match while their teammates play down.  If I chose church, school, family over soccer and then was punished by the soccer coach for doing so?  Soccer would move down on my priority list.  If I knew I had to miss soccer practice in the future, I might not even bother showing for the next match just to sit the bench and spectate.  How many players can the team afford to lose before it becomes completely dysfunctional?

This subject matter ties in nicely with the recent articles on playing time and where elite kids shouldn't meet and rules  While our family is undoubtedly and without dispute soccer fanatics our mantra is "soccer is something we do, but it does not define who we are."  We live a balanced life placing God first.  Family, school, work, and other aspects of our lives are prioritized somewhere after God ... and before sports.  Not only are these kids not going to play professionally, but none are going to earn a full ride to play soccer in college either.

So, perhaps the coach is attempting to teach a lesson on honoring commitment?  If so, I wonder if the coach has considered the conundrum he is placing kids and families in who have committed to family, church and school activities and events ... often times prior to the spring soccer commitment and almost certainly before spring soccer schedules have been released?  

When it comes right down to it, this is all about the coach who is butt hurt that he is not at the top of the priority list for these kids and their families. He is attempting to exert control that he might not be embarrassed by the product he puts on the field.  Yes, playing down to seven men is a temporary matter and short term solution for getting his way for the (relative) long run. In a word, selfish.  He wants and is taking ownership of the team. This is foolish for the team belongs to the players. The players are the only ones who can truly take ownership of themselves. 

So, shouldn't it be the players who decide the standards for participation in today's match? 

After all, it is the players who must play for one another on the pitch in order to be successful and so it is the players who should decided the standards by which they do so.

In conclusion what we have been addressing is where on the commitment continuum various members of this team fall.  Obviously the coach is compelled whereas at least 8 players in his judgment are not. The coach might view these 8 as resistant and is attempting to force them to be reluctant, maybe in a best case scenario, compliant.  This is not the way to achieve buy-in to the team's culture. In fact, it is a dangerous way of defining team culture in a negative sense.  Here's  a secret all successful coaches must appreciate - while a coach can present a vision for a program's or team's culture it is the players who will actually define that culture. It is only through the coach's sales tactics that he can bring to bear any influence their culture. 

Random Thoughts on a Cold Winters Morning.

* Parents spend a LOT of money sending their kids to soccer camps.   I sometimes wonder if that money wouldn't be better spent sending their child's coaches to a coaching camp?

*  A school with a brilliant academic reputation routinely struggles to play smart in any team sport?

* If we prize athletes who are creative problem solvers why do we seek to limit the decisions we allow them to make?

*  Shooter!  I hear this called out in girls basketball all the time in regards to a particular player.  Shouldn't all players be considered shooters? 

*  Coaches have a responsibility to prepare a player for success. Then place them in positions where a reasonable expectation for success exists.

*  Next Play!

*  Soccer referees need a mentoring program. Something more than read the material, do the on-line stuff, sit in a class reviewing the material, take a test and Voila! you're a soccer referee!  There should be a program to gain practical experience under the supervision and tutelage of experienced referees.

*  Surround yourself with people who will challenge you.   So many administrators and coaches view people as smart or smarter than they are as threats.  The most successful coaching staffs are filled to the brim with past, present and future head coaches.

* Communication is the life line of relationships.  Healthy productive relationships are the foundation successful teams are built upon. Perhaps even more so than talent.

*  Mistakes?   Certainly don't go looking for them, but when you make one?  Embrace it. Own it. Learn from it!  Move on from it smarter and more experienced than you were before!

Coaching is all about REALTIONSHIPS

I recently spoke with a coach who expressed concern that he didn't have the teams undivided attention as it concerned soccer.  Tom related although the boys were attentive while he addressed them a couple seemed to take the first opportunity to consult with their parents about what was just discussed.  Tom went on to tell how he first noticed this during a match when after the half time discussion a player turned to his father in the stands behind the bench and asked for input - both for himself and his team.

This is a tough one.

I'm not sure I have a standard answer ... or remedy... to offer on this subject.  Instinct tells me to return to asking questions. And again, the most important question is probably going to be "why?" 

I have seen this happen before.  Most recently this past fall with my son, Lance.  His high school program had long since lost energy and momentum as a legendary coach hung on far too long. It was with excited anticipation that Lance embraced the new coach.  I watched that excitement lose its luster and fade quickly as Lance realized he knew more about the formation and system of play the new coach was implementing than the new coach himself did.  As the season wore on, Lance began turning to me, in the stands, looking for ... I'm not entirely sure.  Support, I suppose.

I was myself very uncomfortable with Lance, in full view of coaches, parents, teammates turning to me in the stands.  To begin with, I simply gave a thumbs up and clapped my hands in encouragement.  These were delaying tactics on my part. I don't think I fooled anyone, especially Lance.  There came a point in time when Lance did not hide his disdain or frustration any more and simply asked out loud after the coach's half time discussion what he and his team needed to do.

Well, that certainly put me on the spot. 

It also was a clear single that the coach had lost, if not the team, then certainly its best player.

(We later discussed this situation in private as a family and modified behavior accordingly.)

Now, I am unsure of the exact circumstances surrounding Tom's situation, but it sounded to me like certain players, if not the entire team, had lost confidence in his abilities as a coach.  I know Tom to be more knowledgeable than the average high school coach. He's a bit inexperienced but is finding his way. Tom is very open to asking for help in seeking to improve his own abilities and those of his team.  So, where the disconnect with players / his team originated from, I am not sure.

I believe Lance's perspective in his own situation was basically two-fold.  First, he felt his coaches underestimated the team.  At one point early in the season Lance stated he felt they were being coached like a U12 team.  Secondly, Lance believed the coaches lack of experience in coaching the system they were installing hampered the teams ability to an extreme degree.  I would concur on this second concern.  The correct strategies were in evidence but the timing and rhythm in the execution of these were quite off.

Attempting to figure out how to advise Tom while these thoughts are caroming about my mind was difficult enough, but my mind also wandered back to my stint at LCC. That girls team was rolling and, I believe, on its way to playing for a state championship at Crew Stadium in Columbus.  Then the wheels fell off.

There were parents of a couple of players who did not want me coaching.  They did not like the hire. They did not like that I was brought back for a second year despite having guided the team to its first ever winning season and rewriting the school record book in both offensive and defensive categories.  That's ok.  In fact, it's part of coaching. Some like you as a coach. Some don't.

I "lost" two key members of that team who then openly and actively sabotaged the teams efforts.  Why did it come to this?  I put the programs interests first, the teams interests second and the interests of individual players third. The players in question were third and that resulted in bruised egos and hurt feelings. They, and one specific parent, made it a priority to win a battle not caring about losing the war.

I felt I could not allow this to become the situation with Lance and his team.  It was not an easy thing to do.  I could not simply support the coaching staff because Lance would know I was being disingenuous - after all, over the past three club seasons I had taught Lance (and several of his high school teammates) the formation and system his high school team were attempting to play.  My strategy as a parent was to cheer what was being done correctly - positive reinforcement.  Of course, this was avoidance of the issue - those simple things that needed to be corrected to achieve success on the field.  It's a helpless feeling.

Lance's coach lost the team. The team lost the season.  The coach took it out on Lance.  It was a disaster.  Somewhere between Lance's situation and the LCC situation lay the answer, imo.  In fact, I knew what the answer was - cut the players who did not buy-in to the coaches vision. 

After an in-season drinking party on the LCC practice field, several inappropriate pictures posted on social media and one player telling me to "go fuck yourself" I went to the athletic director to have the trouble makers removed.  This was a private Catholic school dependent on tuition and donations to survive.  I lost that battle due to fear the school would lose the student / athletes in question and the associated revenue.  The team lost an opportunity to play for a state championship.  Individual awards were lost or diminished.

Lance's approach was to stick it out and be the best captain on and off the field he could be.  Lance was moved from position to position as the coach attempted to "stick a finger in each new leak" that sprung open.  Lance went willingly along with this even while he knew this was not the proper way to address the teams issues. Unlike with the girls at LCC, there were no grounds for the coach to dismiss Lance other than possibly for seeking in-game advice from his father.  The season was lost.  The boys had a chance to win a league title, but ended with the worst season in decades at the school.  Lance was passed over for awards. It was a disaster.

That old coach who over stayed his welcome and usefulness?  He used to cut talented players in the preseason. I never understood why... until recently.  This is my advice Tom - if he knows a player / parent will be trouble, cut the player and move on.   This would have even worked in Lance's predicament. Lance would have moved and transferred schools. He might have had to sit out a few games but the happiness factor would have more than made up for that.  Instead, the rookie coach could not let go of his most talented player, but also could not fully embrace him. 

I believe coaching is ALL about building relationships.  That is what we are discussing in this article. Failed relationships to be exact.  Here's a secret, no coach has a perfect record in the area of coach / player or coach / parent relationships.  Coach / assistant coach relationships also fail. This is why it is necessary at times for coaches to cut talented players or fire competent assistants.  It can be a simple matter of addition by subtraction.  And this is not necessarily an indictment of player, parents, assistant coach or coach - it just means the fit was not right.  We have all seen the coach who moves on from one failure (Bill Belichick with the Browns moving to the Patriots) to success somewhere else or the underachieving player who changes teams and suddenly begins realizing his potential (David Oritz moving from Minnesota to the Boston).  Or in life, a first marriage ends in divorce, but a second marriage celebrates a 30 year anniversary. Not every relationship can be saved, nor should every relationship be saved. Sometimes the parties just need to go their own ways for the benefit of all.

Communication

Every great team has great communicators.

Great communication begins at the top and trickles down through the ranks. Good coaches make sure everyone hears the message. Great coaches go a step further to make sure everyone understands the message and lives the message on the pitch.

Team sports are about relationships. Communication is at the heart of coaching. Not only what is communicated, but how it is communicated. Coaches must be master communicators on many different levels

1) As teachers of the game.
2) Setting roles and responsibilities with assistant coaches
3) When helping team members and the collective team to set goals and define expectations.
4) Dealing with administrators
5) In forging working relationships with game officials
6) Caring for the logistics for training, matches, travel
7) Effectively dealing with parents

These are but a few examples of people and groups a head coach must effectively communicate with. It is a continuing process and hopefully one you will strive to improve in throughout your coaching tenure.

An athletic director I once coached under gave me all types of grief because I related to an athlete that it wasn't what a player was saying, but how she was saying it that was causing friction amongst her teammates. He basically said I was full of shit, but never has anyone been more completely 100% wrong than he was. Tone has everything to do with how a message can be perceived and received. The tone of your deliver will directly impact the emotional response your message generates and therefore the efficiency of the delivery of your message.  If your tone generates a defensive mentality in the recipient not only might your message not be received, but you might create an entirely different problem to deal with.  When the person delivering the message becomes more of a focus than the message itself the relationship is in serious trouble.

That same athletic director was very big on treating everyone equally.  This was another area of disagreement between us. I believe in treating everyone fairly. Each player is different and responds differently to various stimuli. Every player coach relationship is different. Therefore the way in which we communicate within each relationship will vary somewhat. Older or more mature players may be able to handle direct criticism far better than younger players, for example. Where we can directly address the quality of decision making with an older more mature athlete it may well be necessary to remain in a teaching, enabling mode with younger less experienced players.

And it should go without saying that how we deal with teenage players will be different than how we deal with adult administrators, officials and parents.  Even on the adult level, how we deal with our boss (administration) will likely be different than how we deal with peers and officials which will in turn differ from how we deal with parents.

The common denominator in working relationships is respect. 

In regards to respect, yes, every one receives equal measure. The foundational pillars for respect are openness, honesty, sincerity and trust.  Respect must be present in our communication with everyone.

Respect is a two way street as is communication. Relationships are not built solely on one's ability to communicate his message to others, but also one the ability to receive input from others graciously and respectfully. Yes, it is true that great communicators are also great listeners. As a head coach you are the de facto leader of the team, but that does not men you are above anyone. If you fail to listen to, consider and value the input of your staff, the players, administrators, referees and even parents, how respectful are you actually being? 

One sided relationships are a recipe for disaster.  This means communication must be a two way street. You do not have to agree with everyone else, but if you dismiss others opinions out of hand you will find yourself isolated and potentially missing out on information that could be of benefit to you and your team.

The buzzword for what we are now talking about is a communication block.  We tend to be very aware when somebody we are addressing throws up a communication block.  Inattentiveness or failure to make and maintain eye contact. The rolling of eyes as you speak. Someone speaking while you are speaking. These are examples of communication blocks.

There are other examples to be considered as well.

When a player and or parents wish to speak with you about team issues chances are strong that it is because their perception of things differs from your own. You may find yourself discussing subject matter where a common base of knowledge is not present forcing you into a teaching role before the actual subject can be discussed intelligently. In-game execution and playing time issues are examples.

Personality clashes are common in team sports. How often have we heard a coach say "I don't care if you like one another but you will respect one another." The sentiment is well taken, but respect cannot be forced upon someone. Respect is earned by developing trust through open, sincere and honest communication.

Positive communication, even when providing direct criticism, goes a lot further than strict critical negative communication.  The "Oreo" or sandwich approach to correcting players is a great means to communicate constructive criticism. Begin by acknowledging a positive then address the mistake before finishing with another positive.  Think of it as complimenting something the player or team has done well. Then addressing something the player or team could do better. Finish with a discussion on how the player and team can improve.  In all three phases it is important to listen to input as well as provide input, but it is especially critical that this is the case in the third and final stage where improving performance is discussed.  Remember, we want communication (two way exchange of information) and not to give a lecture (one-way imparting of information).

The most important lesson to be taken from this article is the value to be found in the exchange of information. Coaches must be opportunists open to using any and every available resource. A one way flow of information is not conducive to learning and growing from a coaching or playing perspective. Everyone in our lives is capable of teaching us something but only if we are interested in learning from them. This is where open, honest, sincere communication with (as opposed to communicating to) others develops, nurtures and maintains trust and in turn benefits everyone allowing each of us to make those around us better.  Together Everyone Achieves More is a message about the importance of communicating effectively for the betterment of all.