We often speak of athletes learning life lessons through their participation in team sports. Coaches learn life lessons through heir participation in team sports as well. One of the most important lessons sports has taught me is the necessity to develop, establish and maintain healthy working relationships.
I put a lot of time and effort into developing working relationships with everyone remotely connected to the program. My athletic director and his administrative assistant. The boosters organization. Surely our players and coaches. The parents as well.
Now, with parents I tend to keep them at arms length as it concerns team selection, positions, playing time and the like. On the other hand, I desire and need parental support for a healthy program. I rely on parents for everything from fundraising to furnishing team meals.
Players get suspended or cut from the team and coaches lose their jobs often due to poor relationships and ineffective communication. Communication is a shared responsibility. That is, it takes a minimum of two to hold a conversation unless one is talking to one's self. LOL. This is another lesson I have learned - if people choose not to respond to your efforts to include them in your program, repeating those efforts ad nauseum is simply a waste of time.
I have a three strike rule. If I ask you three times for your input or help and you choose not to respond, I move on. This happens mostly with parents of student athletes in my current position. A sad commentary on our society in general. Please do not misunderstand, I do indeed enjoy tremendous support from many parents. The vast majority jump in and help in whatever way is needed and I am genuinely appreciative for their involvement. It is a small minority that decide not to respond, not to work on establishing, developing and maintaining a working relationship in teh best interests of their child.
Being a responsible decision maker is also something sports teach us. Not every decision we make is cut and dried. I often seek input from every source imaginable when faced with a tough decision. I also give difficult decisions a lot of prayerful consideration. In the end, as a head coach it's still my decision. I live with both the rewards and consequences of those decisions. I firmly believe it important everyone involved with the program knows I take making these decisions very seriously and own up to them regardless of how they turn out. It's a matter of trust and respect.
Trust is the glue of life, the single most essential ingredient in effective communication. If I do not own my decisions, why should anyone trust me? Trust is the foundational principle that holds all relationships together. Disagreements are a part of life, its how we handle disagreements that matter more than the disagreement itself. Adversity is a part of life and athletics. It is a given, individuals and the team will encounter adversity at times. The adversity is not as important as how the adversity is handled. Being able to trust those you face adversity with is critical to success in overcoming the obstacle. Successfully overcoming adversity or an obstacle with others is how respect is earned ... and given. Without respectful working relationships not only is trust absent but the prospects of success are greatly diminished.
We ARE all in this together, correct?
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Showing posts with label distrust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label distrust. Show all posts
Thursday
Monday
Why Effective Communication is Important.
Communication is a process through which information is exchanged between individuals or a group of individuals. In order for communication to be effective the thoughts, intentions and objectives must be conveyed in as accurate, clear and concise manner as possible. Communication can be considered effective or successful only when both the sender and the receiver understand the information exchanged in a like manner.
I recall an instance a few years back when an assistant coach of mine decided he wanted to be the head coach. His message to me was that he wanted to be head coach of "a" team. What he really wanted was to be the head coach of "our" team. I knew, or at least strongly suspected, what his true intentions were but responded to the information he actually conveyed and offered to help find him a team for which he could be head coach. His entire message was open to misinterpretation due to his choice of a single word. There was an error in his message that led to frustration, distrust and relative disaster in terms of a team being split up.
When I first began coaching the Internet did not exist. When organizing a team there would be a lot of preliminary telephoning to relay information. I learned to provide clear concise information on a limited basis when speaking on the phone. I then followed up with written information passed along in a group setting. If the information was distributed to players instead of parents, I required a parental signature on a perforated piece attached to the paper holding the information be returned to me. It was a bit cumbersome process on the whole, but effective and meaningful nonetheless.
With the advent of email, communication became much more efficient and timely. I asked for "read receipts" and if I did not get one I followed up with a phone call. In effect, I trained non-responsive parents and players to respond as I wished them to insuring the messages I sent were at least received.
In a strange twist of fate the very tool that sped up effective communication has now come to hinder the process. There are available Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Hula and any number of other social media sites that can be used to convey information between parties. Most of these medias are limited in some fashion. For example, 140 characters maximum on Twitter.
In recent months one of my sons was looking for a team to play for this spring. Coincidentally, a number of players from a team he has guest played for in the past reached out to him via Twitter at about the same time. I encouraged my son to explore the opportunity with the caveat of determining costs before fully accepting any offer to play. It seems the teams head coach then began communicating directly with my son via Twitter as well. Mutual interest was expressed in continuing to explore the possibility of my son joining the team.
This process began to drag on and despite both the coach and team manager having my email address from previous correspondence neither communicated directly with me by this means. I did initiate contact with both the coach and team manager in an attempt to establish written lines of communication. After a couple of months I had still not received written notification of actual final costs involved with my son joining the team. Everything received concerning financial and time obligations came to me by third party either through my son or parents of other prospective players. And the numbers I did finally begin to receive from the coach and or team mangager varied substantially from those provided by third parties. It was only after declining the opportunity to join the team that more effective written communication began to take place.
There are many lessons to be learned from this most recent debacle.
1) Do not assume anything. I expected to be communicated with in written form. That is, I expected an exchange of information via email. The head coach, team manager, players and parents of this team evidently use Twitter as a primary means to communicate. I did not know this. No one associated with the team "followed" me or asked me to "follow" them on Twitter.
2) Know what you want to communicate. I asked for specific and final costs for participating. What I received were wide ranging estimates. To date, I still do not know what the final costs owed to club / team would have been.
3) Know your audience and how to effectively communicate to them. I asked for specific information to be provided in a written format (email). Email has been the established means of communication between the head coach, the team administrator and myself for several years now. This is how we communicated concerning league matters, directions and acquiring guest players. For whatever reason that form of communication suffered a serious breakdown.
4) Listen (or comprehend what is written) to the reply. I looked for clues that my message had been comprehended. I saw nebulous signs of comprehension in the fact general estimates were provided without explanation as to why specifics were not given. I tried again to communicate my desire and need for full disclosure of costs associated with participating in the club and on the team to no avail. Again, to this date I still do not know what these might have been.
5) Effective communication results in an agreement being reached that information shared has been received and understood. The agreement might come in part or in whole. There might be full agreement and compliance or there might exist a general understanding or even a consensus understanding with specific details yet to be worked out. In these cases, effective communication might well result in a compromise.
6) Even ineffective communication, or no communication at all, will result in an agreement be it stated or implied. As it pertains to the situation being discussed here, because the two parties involved were unable to effectively communicate with one another an opportunity was lost and a friendship damaged, perhaps irreparably so. This was the agreement reached because we could not find common ground in communicating with one another. I insisted on written communication so as to have a record. There was reluctance to convey specific information to me which led to suspicions arising on my part. The resulting impasse is the agreement by default that was reached.
Guidelines for Effective Communication
* Know who your target audience is and how they best receive or are most receptive to receiving information.
* Establish clear guidelines for how exchanges of information will be communicated.
* Know what you wish to communicate and be accurate, clear and concise in doing so.
* Communicate with clear and intended purpose. Stay focused on the information or the message you wish to convey.
* Know how to best communicate the desired information to your intended audience.
* Be proactive, or at least prompt, in communicating.
I recall an instance a few years back when an assistant coach of mine decided he wanted to be the head coach. His message to me was that he wanted to be head coach of "a" team. What he really wanted was to be the head coach of "our" team. I knew, or at least strongly suspected, what his true intentions were but responded to the information he actually conveyed and offered to help find him a team for which he could be head coach. His entire message was open to misinterpretation due to his choice of a single word. There was an error in his message that led to frustration, distrust and relative disaster in terms of a team being split up.
When I first began coaching the Internet did not exist. When organizing a team there would be a lot of preliminary telephoning to relay information. I learned to provide clear concise information on a limited basis when speaking on the phone. I then followed up with written information passed along in a group setting. If the information was distributed to players instead of parents, I required a parental signature on a perforated piece attached to the paper holding the information be returned to me. It was a bit cumbersome process on the whole, but effective and meaningful nonetheless.
With the advent of email, communication became much more efficient and timely. I asked for "read receipts" and if I did not get one I followed up with a phone call. In effect, I trained non-responsive parents and players to respond as I wished them to insuring the messages I sent were at least received.
In a strange twist of fate the very tool that sped up effective communication has now come to hinder the process. There are available Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Hula and any number of other social media sites that can be used to convey information between parties. Most of these medias are limited in some fashion. For example, 140 characters maximum on Twitter.
In recent months one of my sons was looking for a team to play for this spring. Coincidentally, a number of players from a team he has guest played for in the past reached out to him via Twitter at about the same time. I encouraged my son to explore the opportunity with the caveat of determining costs before fully accepting any offer to play. It seems the teams head coach then began communicating directly with my son via Twitter as well. Mutual interest was expressed in continuing to explore the possibility of my son joining the team.
This process began to drag on and despite both the coach and team manager having my email address from previous correspondence neither communicated directly with me by this means. I did initiate contact with both the coach and team manager in an attempt to establish written lines of communication. After a couple of months I had still not received written notification of actual final costs involved with my son joining the team. Everything received concerning financial and time obligations came to me by third party either through my son or parents of other prospective players. And the numbers I did finally begin to receive from the coach and or team mangager varied substantially from those provided by third parties. It was only after declining the opportunity to join the team that more effective written communication began to take place.
There are many lessons to be learned from this most recent debacle.
1) Do not assume anything. I expected to be communicated with in written form. That is, I expected an exchange of information via email. The head coach, team manager, players and parents of this team evidently use Twitter as a primary means to communicate. I did not know this. No one associated with the team "followed" me or asked me to "follow" them on Twitter.
2) Know what you want to communicate. I asked for specific and final costs for participating. What I received were wide ranging estimates. To date, I still do not know what the final costs owed to club / team would have been.
3) Know your audience and how to effectively communicate to them. I asked for specific information to be provided in a written format (email). Email has been the established means of communication between the head coach, the team administrator and myself for several years now. This is how we communicated concerning league matters, directions and acquiring guest players. For whatever reason that form of communication suffered a serious breakdown.
4) Listen (or comprehend what is written) to the reply. I looked for clues that my message had been comprehended. I saw nebulous signs of comprehension in the fact general estimates were provided without explanation as to why specifics were not given. I tried again to communicate my desire and need for full disclosure of costs associated with participating in the club and on the team to no avail. Again, to this date I still do not know what these might have been.
5) Effective communication results in an agreement being reached that information shared has been received and understood. The agreement might come in part or in whole. There might be full agreement and compliance or there might exist a general understanding or even a consensus understanding with specific details yet to be worked out. In these cases, effective communication might well result in a compromise.
6) Even ineffective communication, or no communication at all, will result in an agreement be it stated or implied. As it pertains to the situation being discussed here, because the two parties involved were unable to effectively communicate with one another an opportunity was lost and a friendship damaged, perhaps irreparably so. This was the agreement reached because we could not find common ground in communicating with one another. I insisted on written communication so as to have a record. There was reluctance to convey specific information to me which led to suspicions arising on my part. The resulting impasse is the agreement by default that was reached.
Guidelines for Effective Communication
* Know who your target audience is and how they best receive or are most receptive to receiving information.
* Establish clear guidelines for how exchanges of information will be communicated.
* Know what you wish to communicate and be accurate, clear and concise in doing so.
* Communicate with clear and intended purpose. Stay focused on the information or the message you wish to convey.
* Know how to best communicate the desired information to your intended audience.
* Be proactive, or at least prompt, in communicating.
Effective Communication
Poor construct and poor delivery in communication
can lead to
misinterpretations and misunderstandings.
Ineffective communication,
can turn well intentioned effort into
error,
frustration,
distrust,
even disaster.
Friday
Soccer Coach Support Groups
I just completed an article titled The Circle of Soccer Life and it occurs to me the necessity of having coaching resources never diminishes until you stop coaching. I have previously mentioned participating in a couple of coaching email lists with colleagues from all over the world. The groups are comprised of high school, college and professional coaches. They have been a huge benefit to me. We share ideas, discuss various topics and exchange information. When I need a sounding board or simply to vent about soccer related matters, these are the people I turn to. If I get things right, they pat me on the back and maybe help me understand how I could have done it even better. If I get it wrong, they set me straight, do so quickly and in a very direct manner!
The culture of a program is a consistently constant topic of discussion within one of these groups. There has been some truly fascinating insight shared over the years. I have implemented many of the ideas shared with the teams I coach. Last night one of the members of this list asked a couple questions of another list member that really struck a chord with me. I want to share those questions and some of my own observations with you today.
First, I want to acknowledge I have not formally made members of this email group aware of the CBA Soccer Blog. I know some members are aware of it. I am not sure all are. No particular reason behind this. I write as much for myself as I do for our many faithful readers from around the globe. It is both a cathartic and educational experience for me.
The Question:
How much bearing do you think the success of your program has on how your players react to leadership?
Paraphrasing the Follow Up Question:
If the current coaching staff leaves and is replaced by inexperienced coaches, would the leadership lessons the players learned under the tutelage of the former staff continue for any decent amount of time after their departure or is such a culture tied to the success the former staff brought to the program?
My mind immediately went to the local high school program that my son participates in. A long tenured coach resigned last fall and a new staff consisting of former players of his were hired. One would think the successful and winning cultures would remain fairly entrenched with former players from the program taking over as the new coaches. My observations suggest that has not been the case.
The previous coach had accumulated 330 wins when he retired. The program had peaked in the early 2000's, but had been in steady decline over the last handful of seasons. One could truthfully proclaim the energy had gone from the program. The new staff most definitely returned some of the missing energy, but the slippage in culture has continued.
Under the leadership of the former coach success on the field continued even as energy obviously ebbed from the program. If that coaching staff had remained, I believe this years team may have won 10 games with the aid of continued tradition and mystique. The actual on-field results this season saw a meager 4 victories and the change in leadership has undoubtedly been responsible to some degree.
We are talking about leadership backed by a proven track record versus leadership with no track record. Trust is a word that comes to mind. Even with growing discontent, the former staff had the trust of enough players. The new staff has made and continues to make significant changes to formation and systems of play instead of maintaining a link through continuity to the previous coaching regime. By doing so, they also made a clean break with the culture the former staff had built into the program.
The questions posed to the coaches of the email list last night are essentially about how change might impact a program. The thing about change is some people are resistant to it while others will openly embrace change. In the end change is accepted or you get left behind in a manner of speaking. The real significance found in these questions and in using our local program as an illustration is the importance of how change is managed.
Thanks once and-again to the invaluable resource of our coaching email lists. I wouldn't be near the coach I am without them. And I would never ascend to the coach I will yet become without their continued guidance and support.
The culture of a program is a consistently constant topic of discussion within one of these groups. There has been some truly fascinating insight shared over the years. I have implemented many of the ideas shared with the teams I coach. Last night one of the members of this list asked a couple questions of another list member that really struck a chord with me. I want to share those questions and some of my own observations with you today.
First, I want to acknowledge I have not formally made members of this email group aware of the CBA Soccer Blog. I know some members are aware of it. I am not sure all are. No particular reason behind this. I write as much for myself as I do for our many faithful readers from around the globe. It is both a cathartic and educational experience for me.
The Question:
How much bearing do you think the success of your program has on how your players react to leadership?
Paraphrasing the Follow Up Question:
If the current coaching staff leaves and is replaced by inexperienced coaches, would the leadership lessons the players learned under the tutelage of the former staff continue for any decent amount of time after their departure or is such a culture tied to the success the former staff brought to the program?
My mind immediately went to the local high school program that my son participates in. A long tenured coach resigned last fall and a new staff consisting of former players of his were hired. One would think the successful and winning cultures would remain fairly entrenched with former players from the program taking over as the new coaches. My observations suggest that has not been the case.
The previous coach had accumulated 330 wins when he retired. The program had peaked in the early 2000's, but had been in steady decline over the last handful of seasons. One could truthfully proclaim the energy had gone from the program. The new staff most definitely returned some of the missing energy, but the slippage in culture has continued.
Under the leadership of the former coach success on the field continued even as energy obviously ebbed from the program. If that coaching staff had remained, I believe this years team may have won 10 games with the aid of continued tradition and mystique. The actual on-field results this season saw a meager 4 victories and the change in leadership has undoubtedly been responsible to some degree.
We are talking about leadership backed by a proven track record versus leadership with no track record. Trust is a word that comes to mind. Even with growing discontent, the former staff had the trust of enough players. The new staff has made and continues to make significant changes to formation and systems of play instead of maintaining a link through continuity to the previous coaching regime. By doing so, they also made a clean break with the culture the former staff had built into the program.
The questions posed to the coaches of the email list last night are essentially about how change might impact a program. The thing about change is some people are resistant to it while others will openly embrace change. In the end change is accepted or you get left behind in a manner of speaking. The real significance found in these questions and in using our local program as an illustration is the importance of how change is managed.
Thanks once and-again to the invaluable resource of our coaching email lists. I wouldn't be near the coach I am without them. And I would never ascend to the coach I will yet become without their continued guidance and support.
Monday
I want the truth!
One of the things driving today's writings on communication is a recent conversation I had with a young player. He is one of these kids that constantly asks questions seeking input on how to improve his game. This fall he has been asking questions of his coach, trying his utmost to do as the coach counsels and instructs but has not seen playing time increase. He is frustrated but also has an indomitable spirit. He stays positive even as he doesn't understand his circumstance.
I am familiar with his coach from soccer related activities. In my own dealings with the coach I have found him to be evasive in responding to certain questions and circumstances. Indecisiveness is no way to lead. It might be because he doesn't want to hurt anyones feelings. Maybe he is not confident in the position he has taken on specific matters. I certainly cannot speak for him. These are questions he should answer, but if he refuses to we have little recourse.
Communication must be clear, concise and purposeful. Open, Honest and Sincere. If communication is found lacking in any of these areas it will be ineffective.
I am familiar with his coach from soccer related activities. In my own dealings with the coach I have found him to be evasive in responding to certain questions and circumstances. Indecisiveness is no way to lead. It might be because he doesn't want to hurt anyones feelings. Maybe he is not confident in the position he has taken on specific matters. I certainly cannot speak for him. These are questions he should answer, but if he refuses to we have little recourse.
Communication must be clear, concise and purposeful. Open, Honest and Sincere. If communication is found lacking in any of these areas it will be ineffective.
Effective communication instills, develops and nurtures trust
Ineffective communication plants seeds of
distrust, doubt and suspicion
The choice of how to communicate is YOURS to make.
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