Who was that?

My wife and I were at a pancake breakfast this weekend when one of the volunteers approached us and "How are you Mr. and Mrs. Brown.  We made some small talk before she moved on to another table. I looked at my wife and asked "who was that?" My wife shrugged her shoulders and replied "I don't know." 

My wife was an attorney for many years and now works for The United Way. She did and still does come into contact with a LOT of people and she is generally very good about remembering them. So, we figured it was someone we knew from soccer. Well, I have coached for many a year and conduct summer camps, coaching clinics and have been a director of coaching and or goalkeeping to boot. I'm not always so good about remembering names of parents. So, we figured it was likely someone we knew from soccer?

We ended up asking one of the volunteers co-workers whom we did know for her name. Turns out she was the mother of two (now) young men who I coached a few years ago. And our eldest son had even dated her daughter once or twice. Oh my!  And to top it all off, the last time I remember "talking" with her was after a high school game about a decade ago.  Well, she was actually yelling at me most of that time.  And that is what really prompted this writing today.

It was the summer before Jordan's senior season of high school soccer. He was in-line to be the goalkeeper and was being looked upon to be a senior leader for what would be a fairly young team. As I look back now, I realize this is one of the first times I used the word "entitled" in relation to an athlete. Jordan rarely showed for off-season summer activities. When practice officially started he was woefully out of shape.  Yet, he fully expected to be the starting goalkeeper and acted that way. His effort level left something to be desired those first few days of practice.

Meanwhile, there was a sophomore and a freshman also interested in the position.  The sophomore, Alex, was in excellent shape and a natural athlete. He was also our best field player.  Brad, the freshman carried a lot of baby fat but it was evident once he grew into his body he was going to be a good athlete.

We played both Jordan and Alex in the first couple of scrimmages and it quickly became evident to everyone Alex was far and away the best goalkeeping candidate on the team. Eventually the decision was made to start Alex and the team went on to a very good season.

Throughout the season both Brad and Jordan worked as goalkeepers. Every team needs a back up goalkeeper, right?  Well, Brad lost quiet a bit of baby fat throughout the season and began to become a chiseled athlete. He was motivated in part by the looming basketball season. At 6'3"ish and now a svelte 210 pounds Brad was pretty imposing for a freshman.  Jordan, to his credit worked hard, lost weight and improved his conditioning throughout the season as well. It's just that he was so far behind when practices officially begun that he couldn't catch up to Alex, or even Brad. He was the third string goalkeeper in the coaches eyes.

The confrontation addressed in the beginning of this article occurred late in the season. It was a last gasp attempt by a parent on behalf of her son. It was difficult for her to understand that her son had squandered away his opportunity during the off-season. Like her son, her focus was on the fact that once the season officially began Jordan was in attendance and did everything asked of him. There was little appreciation that this was too little too late. He had been outworked during the off-season and began the start of official practices already behind.

Jordan devoted a lot of time to church, work and playing in a newly formed band. There might have been 4H and county fair in there as well. All of these are admirable and worthy endeavors. I find no fault with any of them.  Jordan had choices to make and he did. He prioritized these other activities over soccer and that is also perfectly fine. On the other hand he couldn't find 2 - 4 hours a week to attend open fields. He missed camp time.  All the while Alex and Brad were present at off-season soccer activities and working hard in his absence. They both received opportunities that had Jordan been present they likely would not have received.  Maybe, Jordan thought as a senior he had a big enough lead on the underclassmen that he couldn't or at least wouldn't be caught from behind in the race to be the teams goalkeeper?

The days before and after the confrontation with his mother Jordan was visibly upset. His senior soccer season not at all what he had expected it to be. I remember having a famous quote running through my mind during that time. I did not share it with Jordan because emotions were too raw. I sincerely hope he learned this through the experience.

If you don't fight for what you want, 

you forfeit your right to cry over what you have lost.

Tough words, those. You, as the reader, may even think they are a bit harsh.  What they are is true.  And sometimes the truth hurts.  We can rarely have everything we want. Choices must be made. And what we ultimately end up with is what we devote our energy towards getting. Quality matters as well. Spread yourself thin and you might get a little of many things but be unsatisfied with the lot of it.. Devote yourself to a select few things and you might just get what you most wanted but miss out on some other things. Either way you will get a quality of experience equitable with the amount of effort put into obtaining it.

For me, I often tell a story about how Alex ascended as a soccer player and a person.  He really blossomed. I saw Brad on a fairly regular basis for a few years and enjoyed a good relationship there. Jordan I have not seen since that soccer season. And obviously his mother had faded from memory as well. I am very grateful our brief meeting this weekend was cordial and even friendly.  It prompted this writing and came at a time when I have been contemplating how to make some of these points to my current team. Thank God. He always seems to deliver moments like these when needed. I am Blessed. Who was that?  I believe it was God speaking through Luann.  Thank you God.

Christmas!

Isaiah 9:6King James Version (KJV)

6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

Christmas is so much more than just a season. For millions of people people round the globe Christmas is second only to Easter in its importance to the tenets we strive to live our lives by. It is important to keep and nurture Christmas in our hearts every day of our lives that its light will shine through us onto and into others. 

When to much emphasis and focus is placed on Christmas Day or the week leading up to Christmas it  can become a stressful time indeed. People try to be something they are not for most of the year. Everyone is a little nicer, a bit more tolerant and exert extra effort to be nice and get along with family, friend and foe alike.  Invariably, the stress gets to people and tensions can bubble over into open conflict. Thee can exist a feeling of gratefulness that Christmas only comes once a year.

But that's the point I make - Christmas does not come but once a year. Christmas is a state of mind, a way of life. Every day is Christmas day just as every morning is Easter morning.  God is constant and so too should we be constant in our remembrance of His gift of a Son to us. 

Love.

I've considered this long and hard. In fact, it is an on-going process with me. There are people in this world whom I simply do not like. Can I still love them? That is really the challenge God puts to us and the lesson Jesus teaches.

Jesus was born in a manger, a stable.  Why, would the King of Kings be brought into this world in such lowly surroundings?  Why should he not have been born in a palace?  The answer is self-evident when we consider accessibility.  Not everyone would have been permitted access to Jesus had he been born in a palace or perhaps even in his family's house. Would the unclean shepherds been welcomed in a palace?  I think not. But would anyone be turned away from a manger, a stable?

And this is how Jesus lived his life. Lepers, prostitutes, tax collectors, thieves and more were all welcomed into Jesus' presence. The Son of God associated with anyone and everyone. All of mankind are welcome in God's presence. All that is asked in return is that you believe in God.

As our family Christmas winds down I am reminded of this. I find my mother-in-law to be one of the most difficult people in my life. My father-in-law a close second for different reasons. I do not like them and I have struggled with this over the years. I believe I would be fine if I never saw or spoke with either of these people ever again. They bring stress to my life. I struggle to be myself around them because of the standards they would hold me to. Yet I see them break their own standards time and again. They are not accepting of difference.  While they hold themselves up to be good Christian people, I find them to be hypocritical in practicing the Word. Yes, I am as judgmental as I accuse them of being.

As much as I struggle to like the in-laws, I find that I do love them. I wish them no ill will. I pray for their wellness and safe being. I would just rather not associate with them due to the stress associated with being in their presence.

Yes, I have work to do with my own relationship with God. It is an on-going process that needs constant attention, nurturing and guidance.

I cherish the blessing the in-laws are in my life. I have and continue to learn so much about God and myself through their presence in my life. It's not always a negative they bring to light that I learn from for these are good people with positives to learn from as well. The dysfunctional nature of our relationship is a sturdy educational platform I am fortunate to have at my disposal. That doesn't mean I wish to perpetuate the nature of our current relationship forever. No, I do harbor hope of a better relationship with my in-laws but am keenly aware I can only control certain aspects.  There must be a willingness from all parties. It is not compromise that would bring us closer together but an understanding of God purposefully manifesting himself differently in each of us. I am not here to conform to their expectations, but to God's expectations for me. I have as much to teach them about God and his Love as they believe they have to teach me.

You see, that's a message of the Savior's birth in the manger we overlook. Our KING was born in a manger. Shepherds and Wise Men both and together came to honor Him. All were and are welcomed in God's presence. No one man or woman better than any other in God's eyes. We are not here to compete for God's favor, but to relish in the pure delight and Peace of God's favor that He has made available to us all.

Have a Merry Christmas each and every day of your life everyone!

Merry Christmas!

I am a Christian so my greeting is Merry Christmas!

We gathered with our sons, their girlfriends and my wife's parents this past Saturday to celebrate Christmas. We have recently experienced a loss of income and so this Christmas both the number of gifts and the amount spent on gifts were not as lavish as past years. That is not to say our gifts to one another were ever exorbitant in the first place but the presents under our tree have always been plentiful.

I cannot say I was stressed or worried about the cutting back on presents this year. Our sons are all young men making their own way in life at this time. So, very proud of the young men they are becoming. Each has found a lovely young lady to share time with and who seem to fit right in with our family. They are such a Blessing to us all. Anyway, Christi and I set an amount to spend and while we did adjust it upward slightly as we purchased gifts we pretty much adhered to our budget.

It was around Thanksgiving I had began contemplating this Christmas season with our sons. We anticipated the boys would spend either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day with the families of the  aforementioned girls. It can be very difficult to coordinated time together and I believe attempting to do so can be a source of much stress. There was an added complication with Maryssa, Lance's girlfriend, being a college basketball athlete this year. She has a very limited Christmas break.  After some discussion, we settled on Saturday December 19th as the day we would celebrate together.  It was to be the best Christmas I can remember.

As mentioned, the presents were not as plentiful as past Christmas', but the presence was greater than ever. This, of course, is what made for my best Christmas ever. I have thought a lot about my faith in recent months. I cannot say I have doubted or questioned my belief's. It has been more a journey of understanding how experiences, bad and good, in life fit my faith.

I do not attend church services as regularly as perhaps I should. I justify this through my belief the church is not a building but people.  Therefore gathering with the church takes place anywhere two or more of us are together in His name. In short, we will not change this world by attending church. No, we will change this world by BEING the church.

The steadily growing realization of this TRUTH is what has made this Christmas the best in memory. It was the PRESENCE of our loved ones that made this Christmas special and this hit home especially as we gathered at a local steakhouse for our meal on Saturday.  I had decided around Thanksgiving time I did not want to cook and clean up after a meal as we had always done in the past. My solution was to take everyone out to dinner at a very nice restaurant.  Best decision I have made in some time.

As I sat across from my wife and we were flanked on either side by our sons, the girls and my in-laws I found myself constantly smiling. I was so content listening to the discussions and lively banter. This is when it really occurred to me the PRESENCE was stronger than ever. The presents given in acknowledgement of God's gift of his Son to us were of secondary, even minimal importance. It is His presence in our lives as was highlighted throughout the day Saturday that is significant. Presence, not presents, is the difference maker in our lives.

Church is not a Sunday only exercise,

Christmas is not a once a year occurrence.

We do not attend church. We gather with the church. And Christmas is not a day, but a way of life. The gift is neither gold, frankincense or myrrh but the magi gathering with Jesus, the church. Their presence with, not their presents to, the new born King is what is important. And it is God's gift of His Son's presence here on earth that is His gift to us. The magi returned God's gift of Jesus' presence by being present with Jesus.

There has been a growing realization of this in my life over the years that finally came into clearer focus this past Saturday. I am not so naive to think all has been revealed to me. I know I have so much more to learn from God. This is but a milestone on my journey through this life.

Those of you who are still reading might be wondering what this has to do with soccer. Why a testimonial on a soccer blog? When we gather as a soccer team we are with the church. Here in the United States where liberal democrats are doing their best to eliminate all mention of God from public life it is more important than ever to remember WE are the CHURCH, Christmas is our life. Through us the warming brilliance of God's LOVE cannot be hidden or extinguished.  God's presence is present in our presence with Him.

Merry Christmas!

He is risen! He is risen, indeed! Alleluia!

The Book of Luke

The following story was shared on facebook.  It is a tremendous read. I have copied it here in part because I was unable to link solely to the article on facebook, but please click on the link to the author's page and give props to both Luke and Jeff Kirby.

 

 

“The Book Of Luke…” He has always accommodated the numerous requests from TV and print reporters to speak to him, and patiently complied with the frequent invitations from an adoring public for a picture or an autograph or a handshake.

He is an extraordinarily gifted athlete and student, which is why he is in the National Honor Society and will play basketball next year for Coach K at Duke. It is also why he has been named to every all-star team across this land and is, as was announced Wednesday night, Ohio’s Mr. Basketball for the second year in a row.

But let me tell you what Luke Kennard, the Franklin H.S. two-sport all-star athlete, appreciates the most, whether it’s in sports or in life.

It may not be what you are thinking.

It’s not the adulation and the attention that can feed his ego (since that’s the American way, right?). No, what he enjoys the most – thrives on, actually -- is the warmth that comes from being part of something bigger than himself.

He is the poster child for humility. He is a model for extending praise to those around him. When the Franklin basketball program came up with a T shirt motto about unselfishness a few years ago, Luke wore it proudly: “We, Not Me.”

It’s so much easier to pat someone on the back when their own hand isn’t in the way.

When he passed LeBron James on Ohio’s all-time scoring list a month or so ago, Luke was asked to draw comparisons between him and the NBA legend. But Luke preferred instead to talk about the energy the Wildcats felt from the Franklin community, and how blessed he felt just to be part of it.
When he was named a McDonald’s All-American, putting him in exclusive company with only 23 other high school basketball players in the nation, he was asked to speculate on where such an honor put him in relation to all the others. But all Luke preferred instead to talk about was the love and support the team could feel from their fellow classmates, and how blessed he felt just to be among them.

Then last Saturday afternoon, when the ‘Cats narrowly missed going to the state tournament with a crushing one-point loss in overtime (oh, that still hurts), Luke was asked to talk about his career and his achievements and all that he has meant to Franklin. But Luke preferred instead to talk about his teammates and the love he will always have for them.

Luke is smart and well-versed on a number of subjects. But he loves talking about his teammates way more than he likes talking about himself.

Jake Riddell: “I’m so glad he played basketball with us this year.” Matt Thompson: “He plays at 150% all the time, and I love that about him.” Austin Daliboa: “He fit in with us right from the very beginning, and I’m so glad he’s with us.” And Evan Crowe: “He’s been my best friend since either one of us can remember.”

He also thanks his coaches, head coach Brian Bales (a Division II state coach of the year), and his assistants, Brent Rambo and Josh Taylor. He especially thanks his parents, Mark and Jennifer, his sister Lauren, his girlfriend Anna Castro, and all of his extended family. He feels blessed to have all of them in his life.

He loves being part of a family.

If there is one word that dominates Luke’s vocabulary, it’s “blessed.”

AMID THE RELATIVE CALM during the playing of the national anthem, Luke has always put his right hand over his heart, bowed his head and shut his eyes. Because I’ve known all season I would be writing this story (but never told Luke about it), I’ve captured this moment about 10 times, hoping to get a good one. I’m no photographer, but I love this image.

I love it that Luke does not worship at the feet of his own success.

I love it that he leads by example, not by command.

I agree with him that although faith presents a thousand scientific, moral and theological questions, there is comfort in the belief that we are part of something much bigger than ourselves. Luke and his family renew that faith each Sunday at Horizon Pointe Church in Springboro.

With his head bowed and eyes closed, there is no request for Franklin to win the game, because God doesn’t care who wins ball games. Likewise, there is no request for personal gain, because personal character is far more important than individual success.

Instead, the moment says one simple word: “Thanks.”

It says: Thanks for the world around me, and the people in my life. Thanks for giving me certain athletic gifts, and the dedication to refine them to the best of my ability. Thanks for giving me this opportunity. Now, I will repay the gift by performing in a way that benefits others, not just me.
So basic, and yet still so powerful.

When Luke was named Mr. Basketball the other night, it created another moment when all of Wildcat Nation came alive to publicly offer another standing ovation, and express appreciation. “Thank you, Luke. We’ve been blessed with all you’ve done,” the sentiment goes.

But Luke would offer a quick response.

No, no, he would say. “When it comes to feeling blessed, I'm the one.”

-- by Jeff Kirby
"Once A Wildcat, Always A Wildcat"
"The Heart of the Panthers"

My biggest regret as a coach?

I use real life stories to help make my points.  Sometimes I change the names in stories to protect the innocent. Sometimes real names are used. A reader recently asked if I ever critique myself.  The answer is, I am my own harshest critic as a trip through the archives of this site will attest to.  I have openly apologized to my teams on this site for my failings with them. This reader wanted to know my greatest regret as a coach. I'm not sure I have any regrets. I prefer to look at my failings as stepping stones to success, learning experiences.  My greatest of these?

Shine!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

 

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

 

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

 

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

 

Actually, who are you not to be?

 

You are a child of God.

 

Your playing small does not serve the world.

 

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.

 

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

 

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

 

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone

 

and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.

 

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

National Coaches Day

October 6, 2014 is National Coaches Day. I have no idea if this is an actual governmental decree or if someone just decided today is a good day to honor coaches.  The idea of honoring coaches set my mind to racing though. 

In writing this article should I focus on one particular coach making this a tribute article?  Frankly, I am not entirely sure who that person would be. Several people come to mind with the first being Bobby Knight. Yes, that Bobby Knight.  Several others followed in quick pursuit.  From the legendary Bo Schembechler to the obscure Mike Simons and many individuals in between. 

I thought briefly how I do not currently have a coach and quickly realized this is not so. I have Keith, Kyle, Randy, Jason, Billy, Mac, Eric, Paul, Barry, Dan, Graham, Nicholas, Ken, Steve, Jon and Grant among others who are my support group and mentors. I rely heavily on these men to provide insight and feedback on my performance as a coach.

As my mind wandered back through the years to all the coaches I have come in contact with I began thinking in terms of who I have learned from, who taught me the most. That's really what coaching boils down to - teaching. Who taught me the most about individual and team play?  Who was that one individual that made the most profound impact on my life?

An idea began forming in my mind.  The choice was so obvious I actually chuckled out loud.  Even now, I still turn to him for advice and guidance. Hands down, bar none, the best coach I have ever had in my life.  He has influenced every aspect of my life in every regard.  I cannot imagine where I would be without him nor do I care to. 

Thank you, God.  It is you who I honor on this, and every, day.

Be mindful not to confuse excellence with perfection.

 

Excellence, we can reach for and obtain;

 

Perfection rests solely in God's domain.