My wife was an attorney for many years and now works for The United Way. She did and still does come into contact with a LOT of people and she is generally very good about remembering them. So, we figured it was someone we knew from soccer. Well, I have coached for many a year and conduct summer camps, coaching clinics and have been a director of coaching and or goalkeeping to boot. I'm not always so good about remembering names of parents. So, we figured it was likely someone we knew from soccer?
We ended up asking one of the volunteers co-workers whom we did know for her name. Turns out she was the mother of two (now) young men who I coached a few years ago. And our eldest son had even dated her daughter once or twice. Oh my! And to top it all off, the last time I remember "talking" with her was after a high school game about a decade ago. Well, she was actually yelling at me most of that time. And that is what really prompted this writing today.
It was the summer before Jordan's senior season of high school soccer. He was in-line to be the goalkeeper and was being looked upon to be a senior leader for what would be a fairly young team. As I look back now, I realize this is one of the first times I used the word "entitled" in relation to an athlete. Jordan rarely showed for off-season summer activities. When practice officially started he was woefully out of shape. Yet, he fully expected to be the starting goalkeeper and acted that way. His effort level left something to be desired those first few days of practice.
Meanwhile, there was a sophomore and a freshman also interested in the position. The sophomore, Alex, was in excellent shape and a natural athlete. He was also our best field player. Brad, the freshman carried a lot of baby fat but it was evident once he grew into his body he was going to be a good athlete.
We played both Jordan and Alex in the first couple of scrimmages and it quickly became evident to everyone Alex was far and away the best goalkeeping candidate on the team. Eventually the decision was made to start Alex and the team went on to a very good season.
Throughout the season both Brad and Jordan worked as goalkeepers. Every team needs a back up goalkeeper, right? Well, Brad lost quiet a bit of baby fat throughout the season and began to become a chiseled athlete. He was motivated in part by the looming basketball season. At 6'3"ish and now a svelte 210 pounds Brad was pretty imposing for a freshman. Jordan, to his credit worked hard, lost weight and improved his conditioning throughout the season as well. It's just that he was so far behind when practices officially begun that he couldn't catch up to Alex, or even Brad. He was the third string goalkeeper in the coaches eyes.
The confrontation addressed in the beginning of this article occurred late in the season. It was a last gasp attempt by a parent on behalf of her son. It was difficult for her to understand that her son had squandered away his opportunity during the off-season. Like her son, her focus was on the fact that once the season officially began Jordan was in attendance and did everything asked of him. There was little appreciation that this was too little too late. He had been outworked during the off-season and began the start of official practices already behind.
Jordan devoted a lot of time to church, work and playing in a newly formed band. There might have been 4H and county fair in there as well. All of these are admirable and worthy endeavors. I find no fault with any of them. Jordan had choices to make and he did. He prioritized these other activities over soccer and that is also perfectly fine. On the other hand he couldn't find 2 - 4 hours a week to attend open fields. He missed camp time. All the while Alex and Brad were present at off-season soccer activities and working hard in his absence. They both received opportunities that had Jordan been present they likely would not have received. Maybe, Jordan thought as a senior he had a big enough lead on the underclassmen that he couldn't or at least wouldn't be caught from behind in the race to be the teams goalkeeper?
The days before and after the confrontation with his mother Jordan was visibly upset. His senior soccer season not at all what he had expected it to be. I remember having a famous quote running through my mind during that time. I did not share it with Jordan because emotions were too raw. I sincerely hope he learned this through the experience.
If you don't fight for what you want,
you forfeit your right to cry over what you have lost.
Tough words, those. You, as the reader, may even think they are a bit harsh. What they are is true. And sometimes the truth hurts. We can rarely have everything we want. Choices must be made. And what we ultimately end up with is what we devote our energy towards getting. Quality matters as well. Spread yourself thin and you might get a little of many things but be unsatisfied with the lot of it.. Devote yourself to a select few things and you might just get what you most wanted but miss out on some other things. Either way you will get a quality of experience equitable with the amount of effort put into obtaining it.
For me, I often tell a story about how Alex ascended as a soccer player and a person. He really blossomed. I saw Brad on a fairly regular basis for a few years and enjoyed a good relationship there. Jordan I have not seen since that soccer season. And obviously his mother had faded from memory as well. I am very grateful our brief meeting this weekend was cordial and even friendly. It prompted this writing and came at a time when I have been contemplating how to make some of these points to my current team. Thank God. He always seems to deliver moments like these when needed. I am Blessed. Who was that? I believe it was God speaking through Luann. Thank you God.
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