Lessons from Mentors.

I have a stated goal of learning something new each and every day.  My coaching mentors have been great aides in this pursuit.  One lasting lesson that resonates with me is to focus on those things you can control and do not waste time on those things you cannot control. Taking this advice to heart has allowed me to exercise great patience which has been of benefit to me personally and also to the teams I coach.

Properly preparing for whatever task is at had is another lasting. I can recall as a young coach preparing meticulously for practices.  I chose activities carefully and with purpose. Planned specifically. Truth be told, I do this in almost all facets of my life. For example, I rarely have gone into a meeting unprepared. Preparation is the foundation of confidence and in turn confidence is the key to success.

Sometimes learned lessons can seemingly come into conflict with one another. Usually, this eventually proves not to be the case. As a young coach it drove me crazy to diligently prepare for practice including a specific number of players expected to be in attendance only to have players not show up for one reason or another.  All that diligent effort on my part blown all to hell! How dare they just not come to practice?!?

And so I learned the importance of flexibility. My first coaching mentor planned practice sessions with adaptability being a key component. A theme was constant but activities had an element of fluidity to them and could be changed or adapted to fit the number of players available. You see, he could not control whether any given player would attend practice or not.  For some, indeed a vast majority of players, missing a practice was simply not an option.  Attendance was expected. There always seems to be an exception to the rule though.

It took awhile for me to understand this. While my expectation remains every player will attend every practice, if numbers for practice are not what I expected then to be I simply adjust the activities.  Now, experience has made this a much easier task to take on and achieve with acceptable results.

I have wondered on occasion if I knew then what I know now, would I have been so upset as a young coach when players failed to show for practice?  The experience factor plays a large role in this process. I'm not sure I would have had the mental catalog of soccer activities I now possess that allows me to easily adapt on the fly.

Dealing with difference of opinions with referees ...  Yeah, this is an area I am much improved in. In all the thousands of games I have participated in as a player, coach, referee or even as a fan, I can probably count on my fingers the number of times I have witnessed an official change a call. Just something I cannot control so I don't waste time arguing with officials.

Difficult parents?  When a parent believes they are acting in the best interests of their child there is no other opinion that matters. A coach certainly is not going to control a parent. I have had mothers flirt with me in an attempt to gain favor with me for this child. I have had confrontational parents attempt to bully me in order to have their child play a preferred position, start or play more. Helicopter parents who hover over their child in order to protect them from ... well, whatever perceived threat they imagine in the way of their child's athletic success.  In any of these instances and countess more not mentioned here, a coach cannot control the parents. I have learned to not waste my time worrying about parents. I cannot control them so why worry about them?

Another lesson learned is a coach really needs to limit social interaction with parents and families. As a young adult league coach I often found myself coaching friends. Not really a good idea.  It can be done successfully and I was able to navigate those potentially treacherous waters fairly successfully. And as a parent coach I often found myself coaching sons and daughters of our friends and neighbors.  Again, not something I would recommend for inexperienced coaches. Sports have a strange super power that can cause the most sane of individuals to become stark raving mad lunatic parents out of their minds.

I tried to attend team social functions where the player families were present. Disaster. I took my cue from ultra successful coaching mentors who were cordial with parents but never socialized with them. Communications were limited strictly to "business" in the sense of interacting with a single team parent to coordinate travel, pre and post game meals, parents night, senior night and the end of season banquet.  And these communications consisted of the parents doing all the work and informing the coach of need to know details only. I take my cue from Dick Hagen, Bob Seggerson, Larry Lewis and others.

As a parent I was often involved in selecting coaches who we would allow our son's to play for, but beyond that I did not intrude on the coaches space. I didn't always agree with a coaches strategies or tactics. I sometimes questioned starting lineups or distribution of minutes, but only to myself. I supported our sons coaches.  The only time I recall being upset enough to confront a coach was when one played my son almost an entire game after he had two days before been carried off the field with severe cramps. We had gone to an alternative medical specialist to deal with the cramps and she had performed miracles to relieve the cramping.  He could not walk into to the office but two hours later walked out under his own power.  Genesen Acutouch,  Un-freaking-believable!

I continue to learn on a daily basis. Many times lessons learned long ago are revisited.  The world is constantly changing and this affords endless opportunities to continue learning. And even when the status quo seems to remain the same, there still exists opportunities to learn anew.  For example, today I learned about Donatello's David and other art and artists of the quattracento era, Who knew?!?  Right?

Go forth to gain knowledge, control what you can control and don't sweat the rest.

Whoo!

Professional wrestling legend Ric Flair is a larger than life personality. One of his many well known catchphrases is "to be the man, who have to beat the man!" For reasons I will never understand I awoke with this on my mind today. I chalk such occurrences up to God's will for me and leave it at that.

I have set the course of the progra I am currently working with to be the TEAM!  In order to be the TEAM, we will need to beat the team(s) currently at the top of our conference.  This will be no easy task. In fact, I have been told by a parent, it will never come to pass. Challenge made ... and ACCEPTED!!

The first step is to get everyone in the program working together toward that common goal. Obviously we are not there yet.  We will reach that goal. It's simply a matter of time until the excellence I am striving to establish in our program becomes tradition and when that happens our greatness will know no boundaries.  

The Native American tale about the battle raging inside each of us between two wolves also came to mind. It is a very short tale and it;s simplicity is exquisite. 

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. 

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Both negativity and positivity are contagious. Both are naturally occurring within us. The one we feed the most will win.  Our negative energy manifests itself in the form of anger, anxiety, complaining, excuses, jealousy, panic, resentment, selfishness, whining - all of which are energy drains to ourselves, our team and our program. These negative emotions drain us of confidence and leave us angry, belligerent and unsatisfied.

Our thoughts truly can be our worst enemy.  We hear this expressed in athletics as our greatest adversary being the one we see in the mirror each morning. Or it is sometimes expressed as our own worst enemy being the one that resides between our own two ears.  

Coaches also like to talk about controlables. I suggest the type of negativity being discussed here is most definitely controlable.  I spoke at length with last years team about positive self-talk.  This is a skill that can be developed. And if we look to those who are most successful in our sport we do indeed find these individuals to be extremely positive people. They will themselves and their teammates to greatness through their positive thinking.

The old Cherokee understood a simple truth. What goes into our thinking comes out in our actions. 

GIGO

Goes In Goes Out is as simple as it gets.

So, the most important question our program must ask and answer this off season is, which energy source are we going to feed, nurture and grow?  The negativity that has in one form or another permeated the program for far too long OR the positive energy flow that will propel the program to the heights its potential says it can reach?

When we feed ourselves a steady diet of hope, joy, humility, enthusiasm and love we will find ourselves competing with and defeating the team on our way to becoming the TEAM!