Yelling

We had been married about a year. My wife was on her way to take the CPA exam and unfortunately had an accident just outside the entrance to the examination facility. I rushed to the scene to find Christi uninjured. Our car was not so lucky. Besides the CPA exam she had studied so diligently for it seemed her greatest concern was how I was going to react to the car being totaled.

I gave Christi a hug, inquired if anyone else was injured and asked if she felt up to taking the CPA exam.  I did not yell or scream at her for having been in an accident and this seemed to surprise her. My reasoning for not doing so was very simple,  no amount of yelling or screaming was going to change the outcome of the accident.

I have seen coaches berate officials and their own players for mistakes made be the mistake real or perceived. To what end?  Players generally know when they make a mistake. Referee's very seldom change a call because of being yelled at. I'm just not sure what purpose yelling at someone after a mistake has occurred  serves.

I could have yelled at Christi that morning of the accident before the CPA exam, but had I done so I am fairly certain she would have done poorly on the tests.  As it was, Christi regrouped and proceeded to pass several sections of the CPA exam that day.

Athletes rebound from mistakes in much the same way. Chances are pretty good the athlete will recognize his own mistake without a coach drawing attention to it by scolding him in a booming voice heard by everyone in attendance. What constructive purpose is served by such actions?

I wrote awhile back about the best coaching tool on game day being a chair.  I believe the chair should be accompanied by ... silence ... from the coaching sideline.  Okay, not complete silence.  A coach should be encouraging and supportive in his communication with athletes on game day.  If an athlete is not performing to the coach's expectations whose fault is that?  The coach's for not having properly prepared the athlete in training is the likely answer. 

I believe the proper response to game day mistakes by athletes is for the athlete himself to find a different solution to the problem that forced the error.  Now, if the same athlete commits the same mistake repeatedly, then perhaps a substitution and sideline discussion exploring other possible solutions would be appropriate. Encouragement to more fully explore the game in search of better solutions to the problems being presented. Empower the athlete instead of berating and degrading him in a loud voice in front of his peers and everyone else present.

The same advice holds true for dealing with officials.  Is your yelling at an official really going to generate a positive response?  It is important to remember the referee will have had an entirely different view of the action than the one you had. In all likelihood the referee will have been closer to the action than you were.  If you must interact with a referee it might be best to inquire as to what he saw and do so in a calm manner.

What we are talking about in this article is relationships.

My relationship with my wife is a loving one and my concern was for her safety and that of others involved in the accident not a hunk of metal, plastic and rubber. The coach / player relationship must be built on honesty and trust.  Yelling at someone about an obvious mistake is hardly the way to go about establishing trust, is it?  And every coach needs to establish a working relationship with officials. You are far more likely to receive the benefit of the doubt on close calls if your relationship is congenial as opposed to the coach whose relationship with referees is confrontational, right?