Who is the driving force behind playing?

I want to preface this by stating I am a member of several coaching lists or email groups through which information is exchanged, opinions shared and the like. The member coaches are quote literally from all over the globe and include professional coaches from well known clubs down through the ranks to high school coaches toiling away in small towns across America. I state this so it is understood the people and situations I am about to discuss are not necessarily known personally to me and in this manner their identities are protected.

Situation #1 -  At tryouts it was determined a player should be relegated to the clubs second team. The player had participated with the same club for several years and always on the first team.  The coaching staff felt as though he had plateaued and not progressed as a player over the course of the last couple of seasons. The player's mother was quite irate and even hostile about her son being relegated to the second team. It was explained to both player and parent there would be ample opportunities to guest play for the first team through the club pass system.  It was presented as a best of both worlds situation where the player would actually get to play in more games than had he remained with the first team.  Mother was still not happy.  The player seemed rather nonchalant about it all.   Time and again throughout the season the player was asked to guest play with the first team and more often than not the player refused the invitation.  The mother was apparently unaware of the player declining these opportunities

Situation #2 - This actually is two separate but similar situations. In each case a father made the decision to move his son to another club.  The only problem was, the son did not want to change clubs.  Apparently the fathers had greater visions of grandeur for their sons while the sons were content playing soccer with their friends.  In one case the player remained where he had been and in the other case the father forced the son to try out for an academy program, and in so doing lost his spot with the club team he had been with for years. The academy experience did not turn out as expected ... or perhaps as hoped... but probably as could have been anticipated if viewed through unbiased vision.

As I read the exchanges about these players and their parents I could not help but wonder about the parents motivation in each situation.  It seems to me the child's wishes were being largely ignored as the parent chased a dream.   In situation #1 the player turned down invitations extended to guest play with the first team unbeknown to his mother. All the while the mother was sure her son was being disrespected.  It turns out being on a successful soccer team was something mom was far more proud of than the son was. Not only was pride a factor, but identity and self worth were artificially inflated by being associated with "A" team. 

Allow that to sink in for a moment.

In the second situation, it was fathers pushing their sons to perceived greater heights than the sons had set their eyes on. The fathers pursued prestige and "better" opportunities for their sons without consulting with their sons as to what the sons wanted.  The driving force was seemingly a perception the child was being held back by local circumstances and they needed to move the player to entirely different states to find the right opportunity for their son to excel in.

Allow that to also to sink in for a moment.

There is a third situation that will serve to bring the others into clearer focus.  Here we have a sweat drenched individual that spends every possible moment on the pitch with a ball at his feet. He truly loves the game. His passion for soccer runs deeper than anyone elses described here.  How do I know this? Because this player has been forbidden to play soccer by his father.  This player has to sneak out to the fields and does so with full appreciation that if caught the consequences will be severe.  I do know the people under discussion here. The son has another year until he goes out on his own and will be able to play the game whenever he wants. And play he will.

In the first two situations we find parents living through their sons. It is actually the passion of the parents that burns stronger, or at least far differently, than that of their sons. In the third situation it is the child's passion that burns so brightly the parent cannot extinguish it.

Why do the kids play?

With me it was baseball.  Evidently my father was a pretty good baseball player. An older brother was spoken of glowingly as a shortstop and pitcher.  Me?  I never did like baseball, but dad signed me up to play each season. Baseball became a lightning rod in a rather contentious relationship between father and son.  Baseball was my father's passion, not mine.  I was evidently fairly good at baseball. The middle school and high school coaches tried each spring to convince me to play.  I actually made the college team although I declined to play.  Trying out for it was more my way of establishing if I was as good as my father thought I was ... or could be. Turning down the opportunity was my way of thumbing my nose at my father even though he had since passed away. I played basketball.

So it is in reading of the situations described above that I wonder what the players are actually thinking. What are their desires, their dreams?  Why do they play soccer?  And most importantly, have their parents ever discussed this with them?