Truths about parents and youth sports.

After 3 decades of coaching youth sports I have learned a few basic truths about parents.

1) Parents over value the talent of their child, sometimes ridiculously so.

2) Parents live vicariously through their children.

3) Parents believe if they pay for their childs playing experience they are also purchasing the right to interject their opinions and suggestions into the process.

4) Parents seriously restrict, hinder and otherwise impede their childs passion and progress for the sport they play.

In short, well intentioned parents can turn youth sporting experiences into nightmares for their children ...and by extension for everyone they come in  contact with as well. I remember one particular mother whom we shall call "Mary".  She cheered wildy for her son. The team? Not so much and especially not for any teammate perceived to be competition for her son's playing time or accolades. Her son was one of the unhappiest players I have ever encountered. He practiced angry. He played angry. Horrible teammate. Refused to help with equipment or take any other responsibility for himself or his play. Mommy had his back. In her eyes he could do no wrong. He played because his mother expected him to. He played to make mommy happy. Everyone else was an obstacle to the success Mary wanted for her son.

Your child will only go as far as his love for the game carries him.

Make sure your child is playing soccer because it is what he or she wants to do.  Make sure they have a passion for the game and are not playing because of your passion for the game.  There are better ways to seek your approval than by allowing you to live vicariously through their youth sport experience. Support your son's or daughter's interests and passions and accept that their's might not be yours.

Unless you played professionally, you really weren't all that good when you played either.  Don't build your own youth sports exploits into larger than life tall tales. Your child doesn't need the pressure of living up to the blown out of proportion mythical memories of your youth

Our local youth soccer league has what they call "Silent Saturday" that calls for complete silence while their child competes that day. I love it!   Don't insert yourself into your child's game.  It is your child out there competing, not you. You don't have a joystick to control your child's action on the pitch. Screaming instructions at your child only serves to add pressure to the situation. Your child wants to please you so imagine how he feels when he fails to execute as you are telling him to. Don't complicate his on-field decision making process by inserting what you want him to do into the equation. Your perspective is not his in the first place. Your "helpful insights" will be recieved as confrontational emotionally driven intrusions and you know how kids respond to those, don't you?

If you want to coach, sign up to coach otherwise keep your mouth shut and allow the coaches to do their job. Most youth sport coaches donate their time - planning time, practice time, game time and the time spent away from other activities.  You don't and therefore you do not have a say in coaching decisions and particularly not as it concerns lineup, playing time or general direction of the team. You don't have to remain with the team, but you better ask for your child's opinion before yanking him off the team.  If you want input on coaching decisions, sign up to coach otherwise keep your thoughts to yourself.

Remember always that this is about the child, allow him to enjoy the experience.  Youth sports are a learning experience for children and not just about fundamental techniques and tactics of the sport, but socially as well. The skills, be they athletic or social skills are his to learn, practice and develop. Be supportive. Provide a guiding influence but not an overly intrusive one. Just allow your child to enjoy the process.

My personal story of involvement with my son's sporting adventures?  Yes, I made some of the mistakes discussed above. Others I was witness to from the coaching sidelines.  My love was basketball. None of my sons have developed the same level of passion for basketball that I possess. I have supported their passion for soccer.  They play soccer. They referee soccer. They coach soccer.  Athletically speaking soccer is their passion. Through my support of them I have developed a passion for the game as well. I think that is how it should be. 

Our family has been fortunate to have many wonderful experiences centered around soccer. We have made countless new and lasting friendships through our participation. Occasionally we have rubbed shoulders with truly "great" athletes, coaches, referees and administrators of the game. Our lives have been blessed and enriched through our soccer experiences mainly because we have understood that soccer is something we do and enjoy doing together, but it does not define who we are.  The friendships I speak of having made? Those were made possible through our children's participation in soccer. That's the value of the game to us as parents.  The championships?  The trophies? The individual awards and accolades?  All fleeting at best.  The friendships are lasting.  The memories and bonds built with our children are lasting.  Allow your child to enjoy his youth sport experience and you will all benefit from it.