Coach, do you remember when ...

As age continues to grow on me I have become aware the issues I deal with on a daily basis are shared by many others. In some remarkable fashion others I know seem to be going through similar struggles at the same time. We somehow reconnect and commiserate with while also drawing strength from one another. I am about to paraphrase a conversation I had with a former player last night about lessons taught, lessons learned and lessons carried over into the future. First a little background.

It was late spring of 2012. One of those blistering hot days in mid June where temperatures soared over 100 degrees and the winds were still.  Not ideal conditions to be playing soccer in, especially with only 11 healthy bodies for an 80 minute match. Two players were on the sidelines injured during previous matches that weekend.  We had no chance of winning the tournament and were closing out a less than satisfying season. Our team was good, but we just hadn't discovered how to play to peak potential.

"Coach, do you remember when you sat Jarod out and made us play with 10 and it was like 110 degrees out?"

Me:  Yes, I do. That became a turning point for our team.

"Coach, I was so mad at you that day.  The other team had like 5 subs and we didn't have any. Then you intentionally made us play a man down when Jarod was healthy and good to go. I didn't understand what you were doing back then.  I think I do now."

Me: Oh?  

"Yeah, our professor assigned us in groups for a project,  It was a big project to be presented in 3 different phases, There were six of us in our group and everyone worked hard together on it except this one girl. She was always doing her own thing and when it came time for our first presentation she insisted on being one of the presenters. It was a disaster. What she presented wasn't bad but she went rogue and it didn't fit with the rest. We got a C- overall and everyone kinda knew it was because of her."

Me: Yes, that type of thing happens in sports, in school, in life.  Do you remember those corny signs they used to have hung all over the schools?  Together Everyone Achieves More?  There is a very strong message contained therein. One that resonates with me daily.

"That's what I mean!  I mean, I was seriously ticked at you not allowing Jarod to play that day. I thought you hurt the team's effort that day. I got it. I mean, I understood why you did what you did, but still you punished the team because of Jarod not being a team player. I didn't understand that. It didn't make sense"

Me: And now?

"We were playing a man down with Jarod on the field because he wouldn't conform to the role and take care of his responsibilities, but our expectations remained that he should. We were frustrated with Jarod. We became frustrated with you, but when I think back now I realize we actually played better after you benched Jarod. We were down something like 0-3 when you benched Jarod and ended up losing 4-2 or something like that."

Me: That was quite the day wasn't it? (I chuckled out loud at this point)

"It really was. I'm still learning lessons from that day. "

Me: Oh, really?

"Yep, we decided to kick Lisa out of our project group."

Me: Oh?

Yeah, she will get the same grade as the rest of the group, but we aren't going to allow her to participate, especially as a presenter. She brought the rest of us down and we feel we're better off without her than we are with her. There was just so much drama and frustration whenever she was around."

Me: And what does your professor have to say about this development?

"We thought we would get in trouble, but he was actually cool with it. Surprised the hell out of me."

Me: Hmm.

"So, anyway, I wanted to let you know that I finally get it.  I understand why Jarod had to be benched that day.  I understand you were not only teaching him a lesson but there were important things for all of us to learn. You used to tell us all the time that it wasn't the 11 best players that mattered but the 11 who worked best together. Sometimes 10 is even greater than 11 when the 10 are working strong together towards a common goal.  That's what we are doing with the project group. We are stronger without her because she wasn't a team first player. We got an "A" on the second part of the project and I'm really confident about our third portion that we present tomorrow.  I just wanted to say thank you coach, for this and all the lessons you taught us over the years."

Me:  You're very welcome. May I ask a question?

"Yes, of course."

Me; Well, you know that Jarod eventually came around. He became a very good team player and teammate, what about this young lady your team dismissed from the group. How is she taking things?

"Well, she's kinda doing her own version of the project which is what she was doing anyway.  She's not getting graded on it but I think she feels like she should do the work?  I don't know."

Me: Does she seem grateful for the "A" grade she received for being part of the group?

"I don't know. She hasn't said anything. None of us has really talked to her since we told her she couldn't participate with the group."

Me: Then perhaps you still have lessons to learn from that day I benched Jarod?  Did we stop talking to him? Did we exclude him from activities? Or did Jarod remain a member of our group. We didn't give up on Jarod, did we?

"No"

Me: Maybe your group shouldn't be so quick to give up on this girl either?  Jarod became a respected and valued member of our team.  Think about this, would we have beaten the Croation Eagles if Jarod had not made the spectacular bangoo play just before half of that game?

" Yeah ... I see what you mean.  You're saying we should involve her.  Maybe not eliminate her activity but just censor it for the good of the group.  Maybe she will come around. If not now, then sometime in the future.  We might actually need her to contribute at some point."

Me: Just like Jarod contributed to our efforts in the years following "the incident."

"Ok, I see what you are saying. I've got more work to do. Thanks again, coach!"

**********

As it so happens I have two or three situations currently happening in my own life where the lessons of the  now fondly remembered "Jarod incident"  continue to bear fruit,  Coaches are sometimes tasked with making difficult decisions in difficult environments. I've made a lot of mistakes as a coach, I second guessed myself over the decision to sit Jarod that day. I didn't know if it was the "right" thing to do. I did not know for sure if it would work. To be honest, I wasn't even sure of the desired results.  I just knew we could not maintain the status quo if we wanted to perform to our peak ability. I took action. Perhaps drastic action. We were all fortunate that it worked out,  This is a success story, but there were many missteps that led to this success.  We don't get it right all the time and we need to be mindful of this when coaching / mentoring / teaching student athletes.  They don't get it right all the time either. We are the examples they will learn from.  When we err, acknowledge it for that is what we wish our players to do. When we are correct, be gracious and share the credit. We are all in this together and Together Everyone Achieves More.

  

Coaching Know-it-alls

"It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."

 

 - John Wooden

 

No one can argue with the fact John Wooden is a legendary coach who dominated the college basketball scene like no other.  Ten NCAA National Championships in 12 years is a fete that will likely never be matched. Seven consecutive NCAA titles is still an astonishing accomplishment. So, when a coaching great of his stature says, "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts" you better listen up.

 

"I know" in response to constructive criticism, input or suggestion might as well be "I've stopped listening." This type of response can be disheartening, frustrating and even infuriating. 

 

I have a stated goal to learn something new every day. In order to achieve this goal there are a few measures I must steadfastly take and adhere to. The first and most important is to define myself as an Eternal Student. This is who I am. It means I am receptive to opportunities to learn.

 

The next thing I must do is to surround myself with people smarter than I am. It was after my father passed away when I was 18 that I began to truly recognize and appreciate the need for a mentor in my life. It was a lesson hard learned, but everlasting. There is always someone out there who knows more than I do - this is the person I want along side of me, the person to mentor me. 

 

My third task is to give back.  I am thankful for those who have been mentors to me. To show my appreciation and understanding of their gifts to me, I mentor others in return. This too is a learning experience for me.

 

I must challenge myself if I am to learn. I must constantly and continually step outside of my comfort zone. Failure is not an option, it is a necessity if I am to really experience growth and learn.  There is nothing so humbling as failure and nothing so liberating as overcoming the past.

 

The fifth might be related to the third, but is different as well.  I have recognized the need to share the knowledge I have accumulated. So it is a coach, I teach.  This is one of the best learning tools I am aware of. As a coach I am constantly asking players questions about their experiences on the field of play. In the beginning I usually get a regurgitation or my own talking points, but as I teach players to provide extended responses their input becomes more honest and thoughtful. This is when the coach can learn from the players.

 

Finally, the best coaches are the ones who recognize they do not know it all. They are the ones who actively seek knowledge and ask for help from as wide a variety of sources as possible.  I need to share with, listen to and learn from my coaching peers. This might be similar to having someone to mentor me, but it is also different.  I learn from all manner of coaches. The good ones and the bad ones alike. I love observing other coaches at work be it in training or in-game. How their practices are designed. How they manage games. How they interact with players. How they interact with officials. And I ask my coaching peers to evaluate me.  I need feedback on what I am doing well and also the areas where I can improve if I am going to be the best coach I can be.

 

The day I believe I know it all about soccer is the day I need to step away from coaching soccer.

With this in mind I have learned to respond to "I know" more carefully.  I will say, "Of course you do, you just learned the lesson. Now show me what you have learned."  Or "That's great, would you mind sharing your lesson with your teammates?" and allow them to do just that. Lessons are to be learned from. "I know" is recognition of the mistake made. It is taking ownership of the mistake. Now, let's learn from it. So, I ask them to share their experience.  Hopefully what we have learned after we knew it all is a positive everlasting lesson.